Misunderstood. 6/11/2023

My attempts to be a little silly and cagey about my new job (seeing other peoples) have backfired. We can't blast that I'm leaving my job before I tell my current boss. Folks don't understand the delicacy of this and have completely misunderstood. I have wanted to talk publicly about it so much! I need to make plans, but I'm caught in a holding pattern until I can talk to my current boss.

Boop is caught in the middle of it. For example, Boop told her friend that I was getting a new job, and we were moving out of state. I should have thought more carefully about the situation. I was just so relieved when a person involved in the hire gave me a heads up, but I should have been more discrete about it. In my excitement and trying to prepare her, I let the cat out of the bag. So, of course, Boop was trying to process it and talked to a few close friends at school. Friend B told her mother. A couple of days later, I saw the mother at the playground, and she kept asking me about it around a lot of other parents. Her husband is in administration in a place that is closely related to where I work. Plus, other parents around have associations with where I work. It's a small town. But, without paper in hand, a verbal offer is not real. It's just word-of-mouth. It also doesn't help in negotiations: if it falls through, then you don't want your boss to have hard feelings about you and think you're not committed to your job.

So, I had to deny the job. Of course, the mother really doesn't know how these things work and put me in a really awkward position. A really awkward position. I tried to maneuver away from it, but she would not let it go. The next day, Boop comes home and says, "Friend B called me a LIAR today in front of everyone and was being really mean! Mom, can't I tell, please?" I explained that the offer isn't real until you get the paper in hand, and that maybe she needs to spend a little time away from Friend B if she is acting this way. Now, we are delayed about telling my boss, which will not be easy. We both are so anxious about our move. She is excited and wants to talk about it. She wants to start saying her goodbyes. This whole process has taken that away from her. In the meantime, we are just trying to spend time with our friends while we can, and I'm trying to get this house ready to sell. 

Other Peoples 6/7/23

I have been here for 13 years. I never thought I would be. Time slips away, and suddenly, I'm 50. I have my daughter and have been fully promoted at work--both amazing things, but I always thought I would have settled down by now. I wonder if that will happen, my feelings haven't changed, but I'm living my life. When I see the situation that others are in, I feel a little relief that I don't have to bear the burden of supporting a child and a husband--and the abuse some folks endure. A friend gave me the 411 about a colleague at work, and it's awful.

Fortunately, I've escaped the whole drama of divorce so far, but I may need a divorce from my job. Things are getting pretty bad where I am. Changing jobs would be painful, and I will lose a lot--perhaps a really nice grant. However, the prospect of seeing other peoples (a change in my area of research), better healthcare, more money, and frankly, more sanity, is so promising. Trying to get Boop sorted is my #1 priority, and she is ambivalent about a potential move. She would be leaving behind her best friend, and I hate the thought of that. However, I love that she has the capacity to care so much about her friends and has formed such strong bonds. I, too, will be leaving behind friends, but this isn't my first rodeo. This is the longest time I've lived in one place since I left home. I'm fortunate to have friends sprinkled around the States and even the world. 

Derby Day "Photoshoot"

Although changing my life has its appeal, the thought of having to move everything is painful. I have so much stuff that I have been holding on to. I have so much guilt about getting rid of things. I am sentimental. Each little trinket is laden with so many memories, and it's a little way of carrying people with me, even though they may not be here. 

I just went to our family reunion with my cousins on my dad's side. I hadn't been since before the 2016 election, and I have really missed them. There were so few of us this time that I got to spend more time talking with them. Going to see the old family cemetery back in the Appalachian countryside, going down our little lane, was so grounding. Crazy stories abounded about how my Paw-Paw, with lots of help from my dad, was a bit of a Robinhood in his own way. I may have to retire before I can get back more permanently, but I need to make time and space to do more with them. As my cousin said, 'It's up to us, now.' We look, and the generations above us are nearly all gone. If anyone tells the family stories, it has to be us.