Out of Order. 7/31/21

Silly Photos in Pink Wigs from Valentine's Day

I find bits and pieces of things I start but haven’t finished. I think that was from back in June—or maybe even the end of May. I’m going to try and fill in a few notes at the end that weren’t complete.

What can I say that hasn’t been said about this year? Train wreck? I googled “COVID-19 AND train wreck,” and got over 2 million hits. How many times have you heard about the struggles of single parents of small children during the pandemic? I’m a living testament. I worked from home full-time, and Boop had online classes for the totality of the pandemic. Getting her to class at the right time was beyond me, but thankfully, she was able to keep up with most of this by herself. Mental note to myself: Even though she wasn’t always on the up and up about turning in her assignments, I need to give her more credit for her ability to try to keep up with classes.

Living near 2 local hospitals, the constant whir of the Medevac helicopters were a grim reminder of our failed pandemic response. Along with trying to sort out how to plan for Boop in case something happened to me, I’m not sure which health concern was the most fun. Was it the passenger that Boop brought home from school that had me washing sheets daily, meticulously combing through our hair, and applying all sort of chemicals for months? Was it the “corn” (not a corn) on my foot that my dermatologist diagnosed, which continued to spread for a year so that I couldn’t walk? So thankful for the podiatrist who is finally getting me sorted. Was it the ganglion cyst on my wrist that will require surgery as it is located below a major artery? Mercy, I’m still trying to get sorted with some other stuff. Thankfully, I was able to get the vax in late January, and it was such a relief. I’m so anxious for Boop to get hers.

We weren’t able to be as politically active this year, but I played ActBlue like a slot machine. I’m just relieved at the changing of the guard. I hope we can maintain some sanity in our leadership. In between all of the craziness and perhaps encouraged by the craziness, I had time to reflect on my life course, and the mistakes I’ve made and how much I have sacrificed. And whose birthday I may have missed? At least they didn’t have to listen to me sing, I guess. I’ve been obsessively monitoring my bank accounts, trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, trying to figure out when to pull the plug on my time hiding out in this place. What are my alternatives? What do I want? What is best for Boop?

At 9.5 years old, Boop is a force of nature. She’s obsessed with Roblox and YouTube videos. Much to my consternation, she has acquired a potty mouth, and she utilizes YouTube as a back-door method to watch TikTok videos. Miss Boop, nobody is fooled when you say ‘beesh.’ It’s hard to get her away from her Ipad now that the weather is nice. We managed a trip to Chincoteague with Gammy and the dog in May. Recommendation: Avoid taking a dog to Chincoteague. Assateague on the VA side does not allow doggos or puppers. 

Perhaps the biggest thing, Boop participated in a talent show through a local high school that was all done online. She got 2^nd place in the K-5 group for her Stayin’ Alive dance with hula hoop and hover board. We are so thankful for the support of family and friends. If memory serves me correctly, she raised about $500 for the local children’s hospital. So we drive by the building site every once in a while, and she enjoys seeing the progress that is being made on the building, knowing that she played a part.

Serial Killer. 7/29/21

Folks didn’t tell me much growing up; I guess they were trying to protect me. So I learned to ask fewer questions, to rely heavily on intuition. My subconscious works overtime. When I can’t figure things out, I go to sleep to put my subconscious to work. Sometimes I wake up with the resolution. Lately, I’ve been waking up with a lack of clarity and confusion, and it’s unnerving, to put it mildly. I had a dream that I was watching a serial killer nurse on a military plane transporting several sick folks on gurneys. In one case, the nurse just jettisoned one of the people out the hatch of the plane. “I’ve seen this one before,” I thought. “When are the other folks going to realize what he’s doing?” And so, I watched him attempt to off the remaining patients with surgical precision. It could mean that I am sabotaging myself; it could mean that someone is trying to sabotage me. I’m helpless to watch the story unfold.

And so I wake up exhausted, and I try to get the dog and Boop breakfast. I start another day of work. I just got a promotion, but I’m completely burnt out. As I look over at the clock on my computer, it’s almost time to pick up Boop from summer camp, and it’s about time for a mid-life crisis. It’s been brewing for a few years. It’s that feeling that I’m off course. I’m not self-actualizing. I’m mildewing in COVID precautions. Is it wrong to wish someone would swoosh down and save me? Is it wrong to hope that someone will catch the serial killer before there are more dead bodies? I’m supposed to remind myself that I can save myself.

People keep having children knowing how uncertain the future is. Boop deserves a mom with her head together, but sometimes? I come up short. And maybe I’ll be sold for a song. So many misunderstandings; so many mixed messages. So little actual information. Was it you all along? I wonder. I can only sit here and simmer. The sound of the trickle of the water pump reminds me of our sad little, neglected fish. I keep feeding them. I keep feeding the dog. And I clean up after them. Thankless. Life is pretty mundane, except for errant students and errant Boop, at times. Hm, the literal and the figurative poo that I manage on a daily basis. Thankfully, Boop’s happier now that she is back in school, and I keep praying that we don’t get COVID and that she gets her vaccine soon.

Little by Little. 7/24/21

Back to school is going to be tough on our littles. I’m not sure what will happen with the delta variant, not sure if they will close everything down again. I had signed Boop up for a summer program at school, only to learn days before that they would not be requiring masks, no social distancing, and no symptom monitoring. It was quite a blow. Boop declared emphatically that she would not go, and if she did go, she would not wear a mask.

How can I ease her into life outside during our brief break from the virus while numbers are low? I got a text asking me about an event to promote voting rights, and I thought, ‘This will be our chance. It’s an outdoor event. We won’t get close to folks. We can wear masks.’ As the day arrived, the weather was beautiful. We lucked out, I thought. There was a discrepancy between the time of the event from the person who texted vs. the time that I saw online, but I figured the person texting may have made a mistake. So, I tried to get Boop moving at the earlier time. “I’m not going.” She declared. I asked her what was going on, but all I got was, “I’m not going.” I cajoled. I negotiated. I even brought Gammy into it. Finally, we got out the door. I figured once she got there and saw her people, she would enjoy it.

I don’t know how long it took me to get her out of the car, but ultimately, we eased our way over to the edge of the crowd. We saw our pastor. I was hopeful. I kept looking for kids we knew that were Boop’s age. We saw our neighbor and some other local leaders that Boop knew. Yet, we didn’t see her besties. I suggested that we walk to the library, which she hadn’t seen for over a year, but they had just closed. We doubled back by the event on our way to the car but no luck. I was determined not to let this day end on a sour note. Having just received a membership renewal for Sam’s, I knew the promise of her first trip for a hotdog and Sobe would be irresistible. She ate in the car, starting with her ice cream. 

Because I said I would be there later, I drove back by the event in one last effort, but I didn’t see anyone that I knew. I drove home with a girl ready to go to school. We were a few minutes late for our cat and chicken sitting, but as you can see, the kitty was no worse for wear. Ultimately, Boop did go to school and was in much better spirits. Sadly, we are having trouble with mask-wearing at school, as she is the only one in her class that is even trying to wear one. This lax attitude from school gets more troubling as the case numbers rise.

Mr. McBeevee! 7/17/21

A few months ago, Boop and I were watching a movie with a neighbor on their outdoor movie screen, and the story was getting a bit scary. It was too much for Boop, and she got upset. As we tried to approach her, she began to cry for us to get away, that she wanted the ghost to get away. 

I was just watching the old Andy Griffith episode about Mr. McBeevee. That's the one where Opie tells a fantastic story about a man who walks around in the trees, has lots of hands, has a silver hat, jingles when he walks, and makes smoke come out of his ears. The adults think it's a fantastic tale, and ultimately, Andy gives Opie an ultimatum: either Opie admits that he made up Mr. McBeevee or Opie gets a spankin'. Opie tries to lie that Mr. McBeevee doesn't exist, but he couldn't. He looks up to Andy, and with tears in his eyes, explains that Mr. McBeevee really does exist and begs his Pa to believe him. Andy looks down at his little boy and says, 'I believe you.'

Opie and Andy 

Aunt Bea and Barney are waiting downstairs. Barney asks if he got a spankin'. No. Barney asks if Opie admitted he lied. No. At this, Barney thinks Andy is the worst father in the world. Aunt Bea is relieved. And Andy says, 'I don't believe in Mr. McBeevee, but I do believe in my son.' As Andy takes a walk in the woods to try and figure out what to do about the situation, he finally meets Mr. McBeevee, a lineman.

Eventually, Boop caught her breath and started to calm down. I asked, "Did the ghosts look like they were glowing?" She nodded, "Yes." I explained, "Mommy has that feeling sometimes, too. Do you want to know what it was? It was us coming to help you. Honey, you weren't getting enough oxygen to your brain, and it made us look like we were glowing." We may not know what was happening in her body at that moment, but her experience was real. Clearly, I'm no Andy Taylor; he's the culmination of the parent we all wish that we had. We all have better choices: either come down from the trees or have a little faith in people. Sometimes, if we listen closely, we can do both.

Adulting 101: 7/5/21

I might have been the first adult on the playground equipment, but I wasn't the last! 

Fact: Dogs prefer the sound of children's laughter to fireworks.