The Smaller Screen. 8/7/21

It’s hard doing public health these days. Not only do I have to be on my home computer for my work, I also have to read lots and lots of COVID updates. I know that in my classes, there will be anti-vax folks. In case I’m challenged, I have to try to stay on top of things the best that I can. Honestly, I’ve been cycling anxiety attacks for the past couple of weeks, trying to keep us safe, wondering about how the school year will go and the new variants on the scene: epsilon and lambda. I wake up at 1am with the feeling that I am not doing things right and that there is some vague threat looming over my head and that there is some sort of loss. It seems to be compounded by being on my computer. I’ve tried to be very intentional about my eating and exercise. My Wii Fit just asked how my dog was doing? Very strange. Not sure I ever told it I had a dog? I didn’t know it could do that. Aside from plugging along with therapy, I’m trying to get in to see a neurologist for a work-up.

Boop wants desperately to help, and it feels like I’m not being the best mom. I asked her what she would like to do. She’s decided that we should have a website where we sell aesthetic bedroom décor. We are probably more Soft Girl, but she wants to do all kinds. And she has decided that she wants us to live in Paris, which has a reputation for being unfriendly to Americans that can’t speak French; so maybe I’ll wait for her next phase. Late last year, she wanted to move to Utah; a few months ago, it was Los Angeles. It just depends on whichever youtuber is popular on any given day. I think the latest enthusiasm for Paris is driven by Miraculous Ladybug. I was explaining that they also speak French in Belgium, but she was a little lost by that suggestion. I explained to her that it really isn’t her job as a 9 year old to worry about what we will do, and I tell her that we have enough money to be okay whatever happens, that she will always have everything she needs.