Cheese Abomination. 12/8/21

Recovery from my wrist surgery was a bit more intense than I expected; although I had the best-case scenario. I’ve been trying to keep up with work because so much has been happening. Basically, people have been acting of their own accord, not really understanding the consequences. 

It’s a snow day for Boop today, but I still have to work. I’m planning to take time off to try to help Boop with the Christmas tree. I’m having to do everything with my left hand, which leaves me with some gnarly muscles spasms in my left shoulder when I guard my other hand. That said, Boop does her best to help serve as an extra arm. She’s learning things. Maybe she’ll gain an appreciation for some of the things I do. Like making quesadillas: Boop lives on adrenaline and quesadillas, never mind that her quesadillas are essentially bean and cheese burritos. I was coaching her through the steps to make quesadillas. She explained that I needed to respect the proper ratio of beans to cheese, or it would otherwise be a “cheese abomination.” Yes, she is still 9 years old. And we are still working through plenty of food issues.

A cheese abomination is kind of emblematic of my life, I guess. Everything is out of balance, with not much control. I’ve been having nightmares about babies and animals that wind up in my care because others are neglecting them. In a recent dream, I felt like Old Mother Hubbard: I went to the cupboard to feed the pups, only to find that all I had were boxes and boxes of saltines. I keep getting more and more projects and trainees, and I can’t give them the appropriate energy they require. And much like the saltines, I might be a bit salty about it!

In the meantime, I'm guessing that I've hurt someone's feelings. If that's you, and you're reading this, I'm sending you all of the good thoughts and wishing you a Merry Christmas and all of the other good winter holidays. I remind myself that we'll get through this. After all, 2022 is anotha day year!

Another Halloween on the Books. 11/4/21

It's already November. How did that happen? I remember when my Brazilian roommate who was an expert in math education talked about how long a day, a week, a month is for a child. Time is proportional. If you haven't lived long, a week is enormous. A month is forever. When you're old like me, it feels like you blink and then the day is gone. What happened to August? It's nearly Thanksgiving.

The build up for holidays is big for Boop. It's like waiting for a pot to boil or for paint to dry. It can't happen soon enough. Boop seemed to enjoy her time well enough during the day, but I don't know how it felt for her. She loathed my perky chit-chat that I made with all of the kids that stopped by to Trick-or-Treat. I embarrassed her. I'm already embarrassing her. She's too young for me to be embarrassing her. She'll be 10 in January. How has it been 10 years? This is so trite. It's annoying when you hear people wistful about their past and how their children grew up too fast. And you promise you won't do it, too. And then you do. 

We stayed busy enough doing all of the Halloweenie stuff. I'm digging deep to find the energy--for everything, lacking sleep due to monitoring my somnambulant daughter. Thankfully, our neighbor took her Trick-or-Treating with horses and hosted us to carve pumpkins. Boop dressed up as Stitch this year, which surprised me. I didn't even know she had seen the movie. Maybe she senses a kindred spirit. 

We also did the neighborhood parade. Pinky was happy to join in and behaved herself well. She dressed up as a lobster this year.

After Mom had brought so much of my stuff from the old house, I was going to dress up in my graduation dress, but it was too cold. And honestly, it felt like too much work with all of the other stuff going on. So, I just sat bundled up on the porch in my N95 mask and blanket annoying Boop as I told the kids to watch as I sent the candy down the tube into their bags. Boop got a little candy, mostly the banana Laughy Taffy that she pilfered from my Trick-or-Treater bowl. Alas, we received no Brach's Turkey Dinner-flavored candy corn, but perhaps someone else did? 

Back to School. 9/26/21

Boop is back to in-person school, as anxiety provoking as that has been. Of course, we got something not long after she went back to school; so I kept her out for a week until she felt better. She had 1 negative COVID test, and I had 2 negative COVID tests. We both got through our antibiotics, but I'm still sleeping about 12-14 hours a day.

We're all feeling a bit bedraggled.

Thankfully, I've finished teaching but just need to wrap up grading. I'm trying to catch up on stuff around the house after the mess of the last few weeks. I managed to get rid of some things at the consignment sale, and after about a year of trying to find a support beam to carry the load of her swing, I wound up buying a frame and putting it together. 

And our sweet pup is starting to like me a little bit. But I'll be back on the evil list after this week. The humane society where we got her had some things confused. Eventually, she did get her dental and had all of her teeth pulled. The latest concern was when I thought she had a UTI. Turns out, she was never spayed; she's nearly 9 years old. The soonest she could get in is Wednesday. And the soonest we could get her in for a grooming was Monday. So, it will be a stressful week for our little doggins.

!Lo Hicimos! 8/23/21

It’s the count-down until school starts. I’ve already started and am half-way through teaching; Boop starts soon. Not going to lie, it was tough for me to lecture in a mask. The microphone wasn’t picking up my voice for the recording; so I felt like I was shouting for 2 hours. It was also exhausting to be on my feet and to have to talk for that long--completely draining when I haven’t done it for nearly 2 years. Thankfully, I wasn’t too anxious and didn’t feel like I would faint.   

Boop will be having open house soon to start school. I really wish we didn’t have to be in person. We’re a few weeks away from the peak of Delta here, and all of the hospital beds are full of COVID patients in our region.  Although I’m fully vaxed, I know my immunity is in the down swing, as it’s been about 6 months from my last vax. I guess I will be eligible for a booster in October. Boop still hasn’t had a chance to have the vax, and I don’t feel good about school for her. I hate that she will have to eat indoors without a mask. The schools seem resigned to just have all of the kids get COVID. I mean, the administrators have all had ample opportunity to get their vax. There is so much anti-mask sentiment here; it is unbelievable. The anti-science, anti-intellectualism sentiment is tough to navigate.

Boop went to horse camp and really enjoyed it. She was so proud of her ribbon for best technique while riding. It’s an expensive and time-consuming hobby, as we have to travel a bit to get to the stables. Being able to ride bareback is great and all, but I’m sure that she will want all of the special tack and such. The next thing you know, she will need a horse. This child and animals. If she can get over her squeamishness, she’ll make a good veterinarian. I suspect she takes after my dad in this way. He had a horse growing up and would feed every creature that passed by our house. Squirrels would eat out of his hand.

It wasn’t all kumbaya moments at the horse camp, though. She came home a sneezy, watery-eyed mess the first day. I promptly gave her allergy meds, and she was on the mend. With the threat of COVID, the horse camp’s previous experience with COVID, and a friend who was recently exposed to COVID from someone who thought her symptoms were allergies, I was insistent that Boop get tested for COVID before going back to the camp. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth, but with a promise of a Robux card from my mom, I got her to Urgent Care. Fortunately, the nurse was careful, and Boop was thrilled at her success. !Lo Hicimos! We did it! Of course, it was negative, but I’m glad we’ve gotten one test out of the way. She was ready for her next screen.  

The Smaller Screen. 8/7/21

It’s hard doing public health these days. Not only do I have to be on my home computer for my work, I also have to read lots and lots of COVID updates. I know that in my classes, there will be anti-vax folks. In case I’m challenged, I have to try to stay on top of things the best that I can. Honestly, I’ve been cycling anxiety attacks for the past couple of weeks, trying to keep us safe, wondering about how the school year will go and the new variants on the scene: epsilon and lambda. I wake up at 1am with the feeling that I am not doing things right and that there is some vague threat looming over my head and that there is some sort of loss. It seems to be compounded by being on my computer. I’ve tried to be very intentional about my eating and exercise. My Wii Fit just asked how my dog was doing? Very strange. Not sure I ever told it I had a dog? I didn’t know it could do that. Aside from plugging along with therapy, I’m trying to get in to see a neurologist for a work-up.

Boop wants desperately to help, and it feels like I’m not being the best mom. I asked her what she would like to do. She’s decided that we should have a website where we sell aesthetic bedroom décor. We are probably more Soft Girl, but she wants to do all kinds. And she has decided that she wants us to live in Paris, which has a reputation for being unfriendly to Americans that can’t speak French; so maybe I’ll wait for her next phase. Late last year, she wanted to move to Utah; a few months ago, it was Los Angeles. It just depends on whichever youtuber is popular on any given day. I think the latest enthusiasm for Paris is driven by Miraculous Ladybug. I was explaining that they also speak French in Belgium, but she was a little lost by that suggestion. I explained to her that it really isn’t her job as a 9 year old to worry about what we will do, and I tell her that we have enough money to be okay whatever happens, that she will always have everything she needs.  

She’s HEALED! 8/5/21

It’s really quite miraculous (No Boop, I’m not talking about Miraculous Ladybug!). Boop’s motion sickness just did not appear at all along the hilly, windy roads on the way to the Adventure Park. Back in June, Boop had gotten sick on the way to my mother’s house, and Boop was sure it was car sickness. Later that night, she had a temperature of 100 degrees; so she had picked up something. My guess is that it was something that she got at the playground while scoffing about wearing a mask. One of the little girls who she didn’t know had hugged her, which amazed me. You have to wonder about the parenting happening there--both before and after it happened. So, it clearly wasn’t car sickness, but Boop continued to think it was and has been keeping me from traveling anywhere. Nope, motion sickness does not cause a fever. COVID and RSV do. Thankfully, she was better the next day, and our vaccinated family felt no ill effects. 
The Adventure Park made for a long and exhausting day, but the kids were thrilled. Although I’ve been trying to get in shape, I have not been giving my arms enough attention; so they are really feeling it! I’m so appreciative that a friend sent her husband and kids. The kids kept Boop busy, and he helped to get the kids up onto the inflatables. Toward the end of the day, Boop had gotten stuck, and I didn’t have the energy to help her. They knew that it was time to leave at that point, but they were already planning their next visit. I told them that we would have to wait until next year: partly because school will start soon; partly because I will need that long to recover! 
I had talked to a few other friends about going. Our neighbors just got back from a trip and hadn’t received their COVID results, yet. So, they decided not to come. My other friend is older and has an out-of-town friend visiting. When I called her last night, she had just found out that she had been exposed to COVID. Of course, my friend was vaccinated, but so was the person who got COVID. The person ‘had allergies’ and wore a mask at the meeting where my friend was exposed, but my friend was not wearing a mask. Later that evening, the person spiked a fever. I just hope that she didn’t get enough exposure to get it, as I’m not sure how well she will do. I’m relieved that I didn’t have any contact, but it’s spreading everywhere. We are trying to lobby our local school board and university to mandate masks, but it takes so much time and energy. Please stay safe!

Out of Order. 7/31/21

Silly Photos in Pink Wigs from Valentine's Day

I find bits and pieces of things I start but haven’t finished. I think that was from back in June—or maybe even the end of May. I’m going to try and fill in a few notes at the end that weren’t complete.

What can I say that hasn’t been said about this year? Train wreck? I googled “COVID-19 AND train wreck,” and got over 2 million hits. How many times have you heard about the struggles of single parents of small children during the pandemic? I’m a living testament. I worked from home full-time, and Boop had online classes for the totality of the pandemic. Getting her to class at the right time was beyond me, but thankfully, she was able to keep up with most of this by herself. Mental note to myself: Even though she wasn’t always on the up and up about turning in her assignments, I need to give her more credit for her ability to try to keep up with classes.

Living near 2 local hospitals, the constant whir of the Medevac helicopters were a grim reminder of our failed pandemic response. Along with trying to sort out how to plan for Boop in case something happened to me, I’m not sure which health concern was the most fun. Was it the passenger that Boop brought home from school that had me washing sheets daily, meticulously combing through our hair, and applying all sort of chemicals for months? Was it the “corn” (not a corn) on my foot that my dermatologist diagnosed, which continued to spread for a year so that I couldn’t walk? So thankful for the podiatrist who is finally getting me sorted. Was it the ganglion cyst on my wrist that will require surgery as it is located below a major artery? Mercy, I’m still trying to get sorted with some other stuff. Thankfully, I was able to get the vax in late January, and it was such a relief. I’m so anxious for Boop to get hers.

We weren’t able to be as politically active this year, but I played ActBlue like a slot machine. I’m just relieved at the changing of the guard. I hope we can maintain some sanity in our leadership. In between all of the craziness and perhaps encouraged by the craziness, I had time to reflect on my life course, and the mistakes I’ve made and how much I have sacrificed. And whose birthday I may have missed? At least they didn’t have to listen to me sing, I guess. I’ve been obsessively monitoring my bank accounts, trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, trying to figure out when to pull the plug on my time hiding out in this place. What are my alternatives? What do I want? What is best for Boop?

At 9.5 years old, Boop is a force of nature. She’s obsessed with Roblox and YouTube videos. Much to my consternation, she has acquired a potty mouth, and she utilizes YouTube as a back-door method to watch TikTok videos. Miss Boop, nobody is fooled when you say ‘beesh.’ It’s hard to get her away from her Ipad now that the weather is nice. We managed a trip to Chincoteague with Gammy and the dog in May. Recommendation: Avoid taking a dog to Chincoteague. Assateague on the VA side does not allow doggos or puppers. 

Perhaps the biggest thing, Boop participated in a talent show through a local high school that was all done online. She got 2^nd place in the K-5 group for her Stayin’ Alive dance with hula hoop and hover board. We are so thankful for the support of family and friends. If memory serves me correctly, she raised about $500 for the local children’s hospital. So we drive by the building site every once in a while, and she enjoys seeing the progress that is being made on the building, knowing that she played a part.

Serial Killer. 7/29/21

Folks didn’t tell me much growing up; I guess they were trying to protect me. So I learned to ask fewer questions, to rely heavily on intuition. My subconscious works overtime. When I can’t figure things out, I go to sleep to put my subconscious to work. Sometimes I wake up with the resolution. Lately, I’ve been waking up with a lack of clarity and confusion, and it’s unnerving, to put it mildly. I had a dream that I was watching a serial killer nurse on a military plane transporting several sick folks on gurneys. In one case, the nurse just jettisoned one of the people out the hatch of the plane. “I’ve seen this one before,” I thought. “When are the other folks going to realize what he’s doing?” And so, I watched him attempt to off the remaining patients with surgical precision. It could mean that I am sabotaging myself; it could mean that someone is trying to sabotage me. I’m helpless to watch the story unfold.

And so I wake up exhausted, and I try to get the dog and Boop breakfast. I start another day of work. I just got a promotion, but I’m completely burnt out. As I look over at the clock on my computer, it’s almost time to pick up Boop from summer camp, and it’s about time for a mid-life crisis. It’s been brewing for a few years. It’s that feeling that I’m off course. I’m not self-actualizing. I’m mildewing in COVID precautions. Is it wrong to wish someone would swoosh down and save me? Is it wrong to hope that someone will catch the serial killer before there are more dead bodies? I’m supposed to remind myself that I can save myself.

People keep having children knowing how uncertain the future is. Boop deserves a mom with her head together, but sometimes? I come up short. And maybe I’ll be sold for a song. So many misunderstandings; so many mixed messages. So little actual information. Was it you all along? I wonder. I can only sit here and simmer. The sound of the trickle of the water pump reminds me of our sad little, neglected fish. I keep feeding them. I keep feeding the dog. And I clean up after them. Thankless. Life is pretty mundane, except for errant students and errant Boop, at times. Hm, the literal and the figurative poo that I manage on a daily basis. Thankfully, Boop’s happier now that she is back in school, and I keep praying that we don’t get COVID and that she gets her vaccine soon.

Little by Little. 7/24/21

Back to school is going to be tough on our littles. I’m not sure what will happen with the delta variant, not sure if they will close everything down again. I had signed Boop up for a summer program at school, only to learn days before that they would not be requiring masks, no social distancing, and no symptom monitoring. It was quite a blow. Boop declared emphatically that she would not go, and if she did go, she would not wear a mask.

How can I ease her into life outside during our brief break from the virus while numbers are low? I got a text asking me about an event to promote voting rights, and I thought, ‘This will be our chance. It’s an outdoor event. We won’t get close to folks. We can wear masks.’ As the day arrived, the weather was beautiful. We lucked out, I thought. There was a discrepancy between the time of the event from the person who texted vs. the time that I saw online, but I figured the person texting may have made a mistake. So, I tried to get Boop moving at the earlier time. “I’m not going.” She declared. I asked her what was going on, but all I got was, “I’m not going.” I cajoled. I negotiated. I even brought Gammy into it. Finally, we got out the door. I figured once she got there and saw her people, she would enjoy it.

I don’t know how long it took me to get her out of the car, but ultimately, we eased our way over to the edge of the crowd. We saw our pastor. I was hopeful. I kept looking for kids we knew that were Boop’s age. We saw our neighbor and some other local leaders that Boop knew. Yet, we didn’t see her besties. I suggested that we walk to the library, which she hadn’t seen for over a year, but they had just closed. We doubled back by the event on our way to the car but no luck. I was determined not to let this day end on a sour note. Having just received a membership renewal for Sam’s, I knew the promise of her first trip for a hotdog and Sobe would be irresistible. She ate in the car, starting with her ice cream. 

Because I said I would be there later, I drove back by the event in one last effort, but I didn’t see anyone that I knew. I drove home with a girl ready to go to school. We were a few minutes late for our cat and chicken sitting, but as you can see, the kitty was no worse for wear. Ultimately, Boop did go to school and was in much better spirits. Sadly, we are having trouble with mask-wearing at school, as she is the only one in her class that is even trying to wear one. This lax attitude from school gets more troubling as the case numbers rise.

Mr. McBeevee! 7/17/21

A few months ago, Boop and I were watching a movie with a neighbor on their outdoor movie screen, and the story was getting a bit scary. It was too much for Boop, and she got upset. As we tried to approach her, she began to cry for us to get away, that she wanted the ghost to get away. 

I was just watching the old Andy Griffith episode about Mr. McBeevee. That's the one where Opie tells a fantastic story about a man who walks around in the trees, has lots of hands, has a silver hat, jingles when he walks, and makes smoke come out of his ears. The adults think it's a fantastic tale, and ultimately, Andy gives Opie an ultimatum: either Opie admits that he made up Mr. McBeevee or Opie gets a spankin'. Opie tries to lie that Mr. McBeevee doesn't exist, but he couldn't. He looks up to Andy, and with tears in his eyes, explains that Mr. McBeevee really does exist and begs his Pa to believe him. Andy looks down at his little boy and says, 'I believe you.'

Opie and Andy 

Aunt Bea and Barney are waiting downstairs. Barney asks if he got a spankin'. No. Barney asks if Opie admitted he lied. No. At this, Barney thinks Andy is the worst father in the world. Aunt Bea is relieved. And Andy says, 'I don't believe in Mr. McBeevee, but I do believe in my son.' As Andy takes a walk in the woods to try and figure out what to do about the situation, he finally meets Mr. McBeevee, a lineman.

Eventually, Boop caught her breath and started to calm down. I asked, "Did the ghosts look like they were glowing?" She nodded, "Yes." I explained, "Mommy has that feeling sometimes, too. Do you want to know what it was? It was us coming to help you. Honey, you weren't getting enough oxygen to your brain, and it made us look like we were glowing." We may not know what was happening in her body at that moment, but her experience was real. Clearly, I'm no Andy Taylor; he's the culmination of the parent we all wish that we had. We all have better choices: either come down from the trees or have a little faith in people. Sometimes, if we listen closely, we can do both.

Adulting 101: 7/5/21

I might have been the first adult on the playground equipment, but I wasn't the last! 

Fact: Dogs prefer the sound of children's laughter to fireworks. 

There's a Man in My Head 6/19/21

Making a trip back to the old home place is so bittersweet. Built by my Paw-paw, my dad and I grew up there. Mom is putting it on the market soon. At least my little Boop has had a chance to see it. Mom is trudging valiantly through it all. I picked out a few things, but there is just so much. 

Cancer. It took my dad at 40, and a good friend just lost her son to leukemia this morning at 24 years old. So thankful I got another colon polyp removed, but I feel like I'm living on borrowed time. Some fresh situation stirs up the memories, especially when I see my own little Boop. I wonder if he would recognize me today. But he once pronounced of me in complete frustration, "Once you get a wild hair up your a**, there's no stopping you." So, I guess maybe he called it.

And my dear Boop, you have encouraged that side of me--Momma Bear! And I became completely committed in 2016. I made so many calls and protested and marched and rallied and fundraised and spoke up and petitioned and paraded. And Boop was riding along side and was just as fierce. Yes, she gets it from me. Dad probably would have been so embarrassed by us! 

 

March for Humanity (pro-Immigration)
meeting up with March for Education (against DeVos)
Running into them was an unexpected bonus!