Guess what? Chicken butt. 9/19/23

A bus just passed by our house. Pup is frantic, "Why aren't you opening the door for my little girl?" I'm pretty mean, but seriously pup, I would let the child in the door if she were here. Boop stayed after for band. I guess I will bring pup along to pick up her little girl in a few minutes. I'm still feeling the effects of a weekend music fest. No booze, just got a vague contact high and am managing a brewing sinus infection. I took Boop with me for one day, but she didn't enjoy it. How much of this is the normal adolescent embarrassment of having a mother; how much of this is personal to me? I don't know. But after seeing me twerk in response to her threats to disown me, maybe she will learn to hold her tongue.

Okay, so wrong again. I guess I missed another birthday, and I thought I had it licked this time. The only birthdays I remember are 27's and then the extremely painful birth of my daughter. (I don't think I remind her enough of how extremely painful her birth was.) Mine are painful at 50. Mom's painful, also. The main reason I remember Mom's is that we were supposed to be born on the same day, and it's a big, long story. So, if I missed your birthday, I'm so sorry. I send my delayed good wishes and hope that it was a wonderful day. 

If I hear "Guess what? <What?> Chicken butt," one more time, I'm going to ... nothing. I've just trained myself not to respond.

 

Plugging Along. 9/5/23

We are here. It happened. We are slowly opening boxes and still waiting to figure out about things that were damaged in the move. It will be nice to have a kitchen table again. With any luck, our other house will sell within the week. So many little last-minute things to get squared away. We will miss our neighbors, but our new neighbors seem nice enough. The house is fine. I spent more for it than I should have, but we will manage alright here. It will be a relief to pay the mortgage down with interest rates being at 6.5%. My previous mortgage was 2.6%.

Boop is making friends and finding lots to do. Swimming, playing flute in band, obsessing about make-up and skin care. The boys are still to follow. She will be 12 years old soon. How did that even happen? And somewhere in there, I turned 50. What does that even mean? 

Boop gives the re-cap at the end of the day. I know I'm uncool and all, but she still tells me things. And we have lots of discussions about people who like to make fun at other's expense. I will never understand it. There are bullies everywhere, but I remind Boop not to be one of those people. So far, she seems to be a caring little goat: ready to butt heads with anyone who wants to tell her what to do, but eager to help others when they are down. 

It's September, already. 7/19/23

Papers of lists strewn everywhere. I'm trying hard not to forget the mountain of things I need to. And no, I didn't forget. It's practically September already. I wonder if Boop is fighting me or if it is just some lag in those executive skills. She doesn't want to leave. I walk out of a room, and the next time I look, the room is in chaos: trash, dirty laundry, dirty dishes. This does not bode well for having my house on the market. We are blessed that my house could actually turn a profit after all of these years. So much work is left to do on this house, but at some point, I will just need to leave it to the next occupant. I haven't had time for the emotional work and for processing all of the doubts that go along with a big transition. I know I need to be strong and independent, and model that behavior for Boop, but some days, I just want someone to make the decisions for me. 

I am buying a house that I haven't really seen. I made an offer on one, but I had so many misgivings. I then made an offer on one that I thought was similar, but it isn't as much house for the money. It is so against my nature not to get a good deal. However, I just have to accept this will be my home until Boop gets out of high school. Boop is not happy about the change in middle schools with the most recent house. Going from the #7 school to the #8 school in the state is not so bad in the grand scheme of things. 

And so, I'm forging on. Trying to mentally be in two different places at once. It's taking its toll. 

Misunderstood. 6/11/2023

My attempts to be a little silly and cagey about my new job (seeing other peoples) have backfired. We can't blast that I'm leaving my job before I tell my current boss. Folks don't understand the delicacy of this and have completely misunderstood. I have wanted to talk publicly about it so much! I need to make plans, but I'm caught in a holding pattern until I can talk to my current boss.

Boop is caught in the middle of it. For example, Boop told her friend that I was getting a new job, and we were moving out of state. I should have thought more carefully about the situation. I was just so relieved when a person involved in the hire gave me a heads up, but I should have been more discrete about it. In my excitement and trying to prepare her, I let the cat out of the bag. So, of course, Boop was trying to process it and talked to a few close friends at school. Friend B told her mother. A couple of days later, I saw the mother at the playground, and she kept asking me about it around a lot of other parents. Her husband is in administration in a place that is closely related to where I work. Plus, other parents around have associations with where I work. It's a small town. But, without paper in hand, a verbal offer is not real. It's just word-of-mouth. It also doesn't help in negotiations: if it falls through, then you don't want your boss to have hard feelings about you and think you're not committed to your job.

So, I had to deny the job. Of course, the mother really doesn't know how these things work and put me in a really awkward position. A really awkward position. I tried to maneuver away from it, but she would not let it go. The next day, Boop comes home and says, "Friend B called me a LIAR today in front of everyone and was being really mean! Mom, can't I tell, please?" I explained that the offer isn't real until you get the paper in hand, and that maybe she needs to spend a little time away from Friend B if she is acting this way. Now, we are delayed about telling my boss, which will not be easy. We both are so anxious about our move. She is excited and wants to talk about it. She wants to start saying her goodbyes. This whole process has taken that away from her. In the meantime, we are just trying to spend time with our friends while we can, and I'm trying to get this house ready to sell. 

Other Peoples 6/7/23

I have been here for 13 years. I never thought I would be. Time slips away, and suddenly, I'm 50. I have my daughter and have been fully promoted at work--both amazing things, but I always thought I would have settled down by now. I wonder if that will happen, my feelings haven't changed, but I'm living my life. When I see the situation that others are in, I feel a little relief that I don't have to bear the burden of supporting a child and a husband--and the abuse some folks endure. A friend gave me the 411 about a colleague at work, and it's awful.

Fortunately, I've escaped the whole drama of divorce so far, but I may need a divorce from my job. Things are getting pretty bad where I am. Changing jobs would be painful, and I will lose a lot--perhaps a really nice grant. However, the prospect of seeing other peoples (a change in my area of research), better healthcare, more money, and frankly, more sanity, is so promising. Trying to get Boop sorted is my #1 priority, and she is ambivalent about a potential move. She would be leaving behind her best friend, and I hate the thought of that. However, I love that she has the capacity to care so much about her friends and has formed such strong bonds. I, too, will be leaving behind friends, but this isn't my first rodeo. This is the longest time I've lived in one place since I left home. I'm fortunate to have friends sprinkled around the States and even the world. 

Derby Day "Photoshoot"

Although changing my life has its appeal, the thought of having to move everything is painful. I have so much stuff that I have been holding on to. I have so much guilt about getting rid of things. I am sentimental. Each little trinket is laden with so many memories, and it's a little way of carrying people with me, even though they may not be here. 

I just went to our family reunion with my cousins on my dad's side. I hadn't been since before the 2016 election, and I have really missed them. There were so few of us this time that I got to spend more time talking with them. Going to see the old family cemetery back in the Appalachian countryside, going down our little lane, was so grounding. Crazy stories abounded about how my Paw-Paw, with lots of help from my dad, was a bit of a Robinhood in his own way. I may have to retire before I can get back more permanently, but I need to make time and space to do more with them. As my cousin said, 'It's up to us, now.' We look, and the generations above us are nearly all gone. If anyone tells the family stories, it has to be us.

Coming up on Re-Election Day. 10/29/22

We are trying to sort out math. I don't think I've gotten the full story, yet. Boop is not in the class with her regular classmates, and she's disappointed. I'm trying to understand what happened and how to help. Maybe she made a miscalculation <ahem>; maybe she was just a bit lazy; maybe a little of both. However, I think we can still get her back on track if she doesn't fall too far behind. I'm never sure how intrusive to be, but my perception is that she was placed in a math class that was significantly below her ability. 

We are preparing for Halloween and the election. It's been a while since we've done much to support candidates. The legislature has been taken over by another party since I've moved here, and they changed the districts. So, our area used to have 5 representatives, but the party changed our more urban district to have 5 single representative districts, meaning that I can't vote for the people that I used to. No matter, I still support the 5 folks in my area. And when the call came out to help one of our former reps and friends in a parade, we were happy to help. 

Hot Stuff. 10/17/22

We got our hair chopped off. Boop decided that she wanted to be Gretchen from Mean Girls for Halloween. I was relieved that Gretchen was a motivator for the shorter hair and know it will be easier to manage our various scalp maladies. Then, we went on to the Goodwill to find an appropriate Gretchen outfit. We will need to engineer it a bit, but we feel pretty good about our choices.

The house is abuzz with news that I was wrong about callbacks. Boop got a speaking part in the play. The theatre company really doesn’t need to worry about doing much publicity, as Boop is sure to tell everyone in town (and surrounding states) that she is going to be Grandma Georgina. Fortunately, Boop, much like Grandma, also likes grapes; so it will not be a stretch for her artistically.

Twice in one week to our fabulous downtown; it must be a record. We went to see our friends' 8 year olds in their first band. Heroes from Bowie was a solid choice, and V was a strong lead guitarist. Her bandmate was a whacky drummer and nearly poked a dad's eye out when he threw his drumsticks. At 8 years old, it all could have gone terribly wrong, but you know, they were very tuneful, kept good time, and were all playing the same song. I've heard pub bands who could not claim as much. 

Boop wanted to stay a bit longer at the recital/show when she saw some kids from her school that she knew. I am glad we did, and I am a newly-minted fan of the Ghost Peppers. These 9 year olds are destined for fame. Either they will set the rock world on fire or burn down the neighborhood, but they will do something big. Boop is going to try to find them at school today to make sure they participate in the school talent show. It's funny to see a bunch of professor's kids interpret rock music. They grow up knowing how to navigate college life; so none of them have much investment in the typical draws of rock fandom. And they have all of the resources of any sort of education that they want. 

While there, we surreptitiously dropped off a couple of books to the library, which were months overdue. I think we are still missing one. I need to bite the bullet and just pay them for it. It's not in the spirit of a public library to keep other kids from having access to books. Our other trip downtown was a few days ago. We had a health booth at the Arts Fair, and our coloring pages for kiddies were a hit! As I guess the parents understood, we were just generally sending kindness. 

And we continue to send healing thoughts to those in the hinterlands. And we hope that we see our constituents in the coming year, even though things got cancelled for us, and others were rescheduled.