Another Halloween on the Books. 11/4/21

It's already November. How did that happen? I remember when my Brazilian roommate who was an expert in math education talked about how long a day, a week, a month is for a child. Time is proportional. If you haven't lived long, a week is enormous. A month is forever. When you're old like me, it feels like you blink and then the day is gone. What happened to August? It's nearly Thanksgiving.

The build up for holidays is big for Boop. It's like waiting for a pot to boil or for paint to dry. It can't happen soon enough. Boop seemed to enjoy her time well enough during the day, but I don't know how it felt for her. She loathed my perky chit-chat that I made with all of the kids that stopped by to Trick-or-Treat. I embarrassed her. I'm already embarrassing her. She's too young for me to be embarrassing her. She'll be 10 in January. How has it been 10 years? This is so trite. It's annoying when you hear people wistful about their past and how their children grew up too fast. And you promise you won't do it, too. And then you do. 

We stayed busy enough doing all of the Halloweenie stuff. I'm digging deep to find the energy--for everything, lacking sleep due to monitoring my somnambulant daughter. Thankfully, our neighbor took her Trick-or-Treating with horses and hosted us to carve pumpkins. Boop dressed up as Stitch this year, which surprised me. I didn't even know she had seen the movie. Maybe she senses a kindred spirit. 

We also did the neighborhood parade. Pinky was happy to join in and behaved herself well. She dressed up as a lobster this year.

After Mom had brought so much of my stuff from the old house, I was going to dress up in my graduation dress, but it was too cold. And honestly, it felt like too much work with all of the other stuff going on. So, I just sat bundled up on the porch in my N95 mask and blanket annoying Boop as I told the kids to watch as I sent the candy down the tube into their bags. Boop got a little candy, mostly the banana Laughy Taffy that she pilfered from my Trick-or-Treater bowl. Alas, we received no Brach's Turkey Dinner-flavored candy corn, but perhaps someone else did? 

Back to School. 9/26/21

Boop is back to in-person school, as anxiety provoking as that has been. Of course, we got something not long after she went back to school; so I kept her out for a week until she felt better. She had 1 negative COVID test, and I had 2 negative COVID tests. We both got through our antibiotics, but I'm still sleeping about 12-14 hours a day.

We're all feeling a bit bedraggled.

Thankfully, I've finished teaching but just need to wrap up grading. I'm trying to catch up on stuff around the house after the mess of the last few weeks. I managed to get rid of some things at the consignment sale, and after about a year of trying to find a support beam to carry the load of her swing, I wound up buying a frame and putting it together. 

And our sweet pup is starting to like me a little bit. But I'll be back on the evil list after this week. The humane society where we got her had some things confused. Eventually, she did get her dental and had all of her teeth pulled. The latest concern was when I thought she had a UTI. Turns out, she was never spayed; she's nearly 9 years old. The soonest she could get in is Wednesday. And the soonest we could get her in for a grooming was Monday. So, it will be a stressful week for our little doggins.

!Lo Hicimos! 8/23/21

It’s the count-down until school starts. I’ve already started and am half-way through teaching; Boop starts soon. Not going to lie, it was tough for me to lecture in a mask. The microphone wasn’t picking up my voice for the recording; so I felt like I was shouting for 2 hours. It was also exhausting to be on my feet and to have to talk for that long--completely draining when I haven’t done it for nearly 2 years. Thankfully, I wasn’t too anxious and didn’t feel like I would faint.   

Boop will be having open house soon to start school. I really wish we didn’t have to be in person. We’re a few weeks away from the peak of Delta here, and all of the hospital beds are full of COVID patients in our region.  Although I’m fully vaxed, I know my immunity is in the down swing, as it’s been about 6 months from my last vax. I guess I will be eligible for a booster in October. Boop still hasn’t had a chance to have the vax, and I don’t feel good about school for her. I hate that she will have to eat indoors without a mask. The schools seem resigned to just have all of the kids get COVID. I mean, the administrators have all had ample opportunity to get their vax. There is so much anti-mask sentiment here; it is unbelievable. The anti-science, anti-intellectualism sentiment is tough to navigate.

Boop went to horse camp and really enjoyed it. She was so proud of her ribbon for best technique while riding. It’s an expensive and time-consuming hobby, as we have to travel a bit to get to the stables. Being able to ride bareback is great and all, but I’m sure that she will want all of the special tack and such. The next thing you know, she will need a horse. This child and animals. If she can get over her squeamishness, she’ll make a good veterinarian. I suspect she takes after my dad in this way. He had a horse growing up and would feed every creature that passed by our house. Squirrels would eat out of his hand.

It wasn’t all kumbaya moments at the horse camp, though. She came home a sneezy, watery-eyed mess the first day. I promptly gave her allergy meds, and she was on the mend. With the threat of COVID, the horse camp’s previous experience with COVID, and a friend who was recently exposed to COVID from someone who thought her symptoms were allergies, I was insistent that Boop get tested for COVID before going back to the camp. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth, but with a promise of a Robux card from my mom, I got her to Urgent Care. Fortunately, the nurse was careful, and Boop was thrilled at her success. !Lo Hicimos! We did it! Of course, it was negative, but I’m glad we’ve gotten one test out of the way. She was ready for her next screen.  

The Smaller Screen. 8/7/21

It’s hard doing public health these days. Not only do I have to be on my home computer for my work, I also have to read lots and lots of COVID updates. I know that in my classes, there will be anti-vax folks. In case I’m challenged, I have to try to stay on top of things the best that I can. Honestly, I’ve been cycling anxiety attacks for the past couple of weeks, trying to keep us safe, wondering about how the school year will go and the new variants on the scene: epsilon and lambda. I wake up at 1am with the feeling that I am not doing things right and that there is some vague threat looming over my head and that there is some sort of loss. It seems to be compounded by being on my computer. I’ve tried to be very intentional about my eating and exercise. My Wii Fit just asked how my dog was doing? Very strange. Not sure I ever told it I had a dog? I didn’t know it could do that. Aside from plugging along with therapy, I’m trying to get in to see a neurologist for a work-up.

Boop wants desperately to help, and it feels like I’m not being the best mom. I asked her what she would like to do. She’s decided that we should have a website where we sell aesthetic bedroom décor. We are probably more Soft Girl, but she wants to do all kinds. And she has decided that she wants us to live in Paris, which has a reputation for being unfriendly to Americans that can’t speak French; so maybe I’ll wait for her next phase. Late last year, she wanted to move to Utah; a few months ago, it was Los Angeles. It just depends on whichever youtuber is popular on any given day. I think the latest enthusiasm for Paris is driven by Miraculous Ladybug. I was explaining that they also speak French in Belgium, but she was a little lost by that suggestion. I explained to her that it really isn’t her job as a 9 year old to worry about what we will do, and I tell her that we have enough money to be okay whatever happens, that she will always have everything she needs.  

She’s HEALED! 8/5/21

It’s really quite miraculous (No Boop, I’m not talking about Miraculous Ladybug!). Boop’s motion sickness just did not appear at all along the hilly, windy roads on the way to the Adventure Park. Back in June, Boop had gotten sick on the way to my mother’s house, and Boop was sure it was car sickness. Later that night, she had a temperature of 100 degrees; so she had picked up something. My guess is that it was something that she got at the playground while scoffing about wearing a mask. One of the little girls who she didn’t know had hugged her, which amazed me. You have to wonder about the parenting happening there--both before and after it happened. So, it clearly wasn’t car sickness, but Boop continued to think it was and has been keeping me from traveling anywhere. Nope, motion sickness does not cause a fever. COVID and RSV do. Thankfully, she was better the next day, and our vaccinated family felt no ill effects. 
The Adventure Park made for a long and exhausting day, but the kids were thrilled. Although I’ve been trying to get in shape, I have not been giving my arms enough attention; so they are really feeling it! I’m so appreciative that a friend sent her husband and kids. The kids kept Boop busy, and he helped to get the kids up onto the inflatables. Toward the end of the day, Boop had gotten stuck, and I didn’t have the energy to help her. They knew that it was time to leave at that point, but they were already planning their next visit. I told them that we would have to wait until next year: partly because school will start soon; partly because I will need that long to recover! 
I had talked to a few other friends about going. Our neighbors just got back from a trip and hadn’t received their COVID results, yet. So, they decided not to come. My other friend is older and has an out-of-town friend visiting. When I called her last night, she had just found out that she had been exposed to COVID. Of course, my friend was vaccinated, but so was the person who got COVID. The person ‘had allergies’ and wore a mask at the meeting where my friend was exposed, but my friend was not wearing a mask. Later that evening, the person spiked a fever. I just hope that she didn’t get enough exposure to get it, as I’m not sure how well she will do. I’m relieved that I didn’t have any contact, but it’s spreading everywhere. We are trying to lobby our local school board and university to mandate masks, but it takes so much time and energy. Please stay safe!

Out of Order. 7/31/21

Silly Photos in Pink Wigs from Valentine's Day

I find bits and pieces of things I start but haven’t finished. I think that was from back in June—or maybe even the end of May. I’m going to try and fill in a few notes at the end that weren’t complete.

What can I say that hasn’t been said about this year? Train wreck? I googled “COVID-19 AND train wreck,” and got over 2 million hits. How many times have you heard about the struggles of single parents of small children during the pandemic? I’m a living testament. I worked from home full-time, and Boop had online classes for the totality of the pandemic. Getting her to class at the right time was beyond me, but thankfully, she was able to keep up with most of this by herself. Mental note to myself: Even though she wasn’t always on the up and up about turning in her assignments, I need to give her more credit for her ability to try to keep up with classes.

Living near 2 local hospitals, the constant whir of the Medevac helicopters were a grim reminder of our failed pandemic response. Along with trying to sort out how to plan for Boop in case something happened to me, I’m not sure which health concern was the most fun. Was it the passenger that Boop brought home from school that had me washing sheets daily, meticulously combing through our hair, and applying all sort of chemicals for months? Was it the “corn” (not a corn) on my foot that my dermatologist diagnosed, which continued to spread for a year so that I couldn’t walk? So thankful for the podiatrist who is finally getting me sorted. Was it the ganglion cyst on my wrist that will require surgery as it is located below a major artery? Mercy, I’m still trying to get sorted with some other stuff. Thankfully, I was able to get the vax in late January, and it was such a relief. I’m so anxious for Boop to get hers.

We weren’t able to be as politically active this year, but I played ActBlue like a slot machine. I’m just relieved at the changing of the guard. I hope we can maintain some sanity in our leadership. In between all of the craziness and perhaps encouraged by the craziness, I had time to reflect on my life course, and the mistakes I’ve made and how much I have sacrificed. And whose birthday I may have missed? At least they didn’t have to listen to me sing, I guess. I’ve been obsessively monitoring my bank accounts, trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, trying to figure out when to pull the plug on my time hiding out in this place. What are my alternatives? What do I want? What is best for Boop?

At 9.5 years old, Boop is a force of nature. She’s obsessed with Roblox and YouTube videos. Much to my consternation, she has acquired a potty mouth, and she utilizes YouTube as a back-door method to watch TikTok videos. Miss Boop, nobody is fooled when you say ‘beesh.’ It’s hard to get her away from her Ipad now that the weather is nice. We managed a trip to Chincoteague with Gammy and the dog in May. Recommendation: Avoid taking a dog to Chincoteague. Assateague on the VA side does not allow doggos or puppers. 

Perhaps the biggest thing, Boop participated in a talent show through a local high school that was all done online. She got 2^nd place in the K-5 group for her Stayin’ Alive dance with hula hoop and hover board. We are so thankful for the support of family and friends. If memory serves me correctly, she raised about $500 for the local children’s hospital. So we drive by the building site every once in a while, and she enjoys seeing the progress that is being made on the building, knowing that she played a part.

Serial Killer. 7/29/21

Folks didn’t tell me much growing up; I guess they were trying to protect me. So I learned to ask fewer questions, to rely heavily on intuition. My subconscious works overtime. When I can’t figure things out, I go to sleep to put my subconscious to work. Sometimes I wake up with the resolution. Lately, I’ve been waking up with a lack of clarity and confusion, and it’s unnerving, to put it mildly. I had a dream that I was watching a serial killer nurse on a military plane transporting several sick folks on gurneys. In one case, the nurse just jettisoned one of the people out the hatch of the plane. “I’ve seen this one before,” I thought. “When are the other folks going to realize what he’s doing?” And so, I watched him attempt to off the remaining patients with surgical precision. It could mean that I am sabotaging myself; it could mean that someone is trying to sabotage me. I’m helpless to watch the story unfold.

And so I wake up exhausted, and I try to get the dog and Boop breakfast. I start another day of work. I just got a promotion, but I’m completely burnt out. As I look over at the clock on my computer, it’s almost time to pick up Boop from summer camp, and it’s about time for a mid-life crisis. It’s been brewing for a few years. It’s that feeling that I’m off course. I’m not self-actualizing. I’m mildewing in COVID precautions. Is it wrong to wish someone would swoosh down and save me? Is it wrong to hope that someone will catch the serial killer before there are more dead bodies? I’m supposed to remind myself that I can save myself.

People keep having children knowing how uncertain the future is. Boop deserves a mom with her head together, but sometimes? I come up short. And maybe I’ll be sold for a song. So many misunderstandings; so many mixed messages. So little actual information. Was it you all along? I wonder. I can only sit here and simmer. The sound of the trickle of the water pump reminds me of our sad little, neglected fish. I keep feeding them. I keep feeding the dog. And I clean up after them. Thankless. Life is pretty mundane, except for errant students and errant Boop, at times. Hm, the literal and the figurative poo that I manage on a daily basis. Thankfully, Boop’s happier now that she is back in school, and I keep praying that we don’t get COVID and that she gets her vaccine soon.