Prolonged Karma. 11-11-11

I was just settling in to my job at the daycare. I was fresh off the truck. At 17, I loved kids and had babysat a few here and there. I was going to be starting with the 2 year olds, but before taking over the room, I was spending time with some of the older kids in the afternoons while I was still in school. My father had passed away a couple of months before, and I needed money for college. I was at the playground with a mix of ages, and a little boy had successfully climbed to the top of the dome of monkey bars <I'm sure it has a name, but I can't think of it.> and was feeling pretty proud of himself. But then, he couldn't figure out how to get down, and he was starting to panic and cry a little bit. So, we were all trying to calm him down and get him to relax enough that he could climb down, to no avail.
I had never climbed monkey bars, let alone gotten on something that high as a kid, but I seemed the most capable at the daycare to accomplish the task due to my size and age. I was going in. And so I managed to climb over to him, got him to calm down, and coached him down. And when he got down, he was one relieved kid, grinning from ear to ear. Of course, I felt pretty good, too, and was starting to feel more confident in my new job. He seemed so grateful. And then about 2 hours later, a woman came from the parking lot, walking toward the playground. She called out a name, and one of my charges started to run toward her. I hadn't seen her before, and I wanted to be sure it was someone he should be leaving with. And with her head of grey hair, I called out across the playground for all to hear, "<Boy's name>, is that your grandma?"
With only a slight wince and a smile, she said, "I'm his mother." I was mortified and effusive with apologies. Yep, I went from feeling pretty darn good about myself, to feeling about an inch tall. And so now, my friends have kids starting college, and a few ARE grandmas. I'm clearly old enough to be a grandma, but I vainly douse my hair with color out of necessity. My original hair color is... an ashy shade of brown, I think?? I guess I'll just switch my color to the same color as Boop's after hers starts to come in. And I'll prepare myself for those people who are innocently trying to make conversation and ask me about my grandchild.

Birthin' Babies. 11-11-11

Grrrr. I lost my post about my visit with the doula on Wednesday. I'm not sure what exactly happened to it. I think it was a casualty of an automatic restart with no back up :( I have no hope of reconstructing it because it's been two days ago!
The doula was the only name that had popped into the midwife's head during my last clinic visit. So I figured it was a good sign. I looked her up on the DONA website and sent her an email asking about her services. In her reply, she suggested that we meet, and so she suggested Panera.
We discussed all of the challenges I anticipate with giving birth: being on my own, most of my good friends being single and/or not having children of their own--making it hard for them to anticipate my needs, my family being far away, concern about my mom trying to come through the mountains in January with unpredictable weather, all of my health conditions including arthritis, and so on. I also wanted to communicate to her that I really wasn't interested in natural childbirth ;) She wasn't so convinced. And I also tested her out on something that my yoga instructor had mentioned, that 'failure to progress' was really in the head of the mother. Good Heavens, with all the difficulty giving birth, I don't want to be blamed if there are complications! And she agreed that in many cases it was more psychological than physical. I wonder how common this belief is among doula folk.
So, we talked more about logistics. She gave a contract of her services. Based on what I was seeing, doula services ranged from from $250-$500. Her rates were at the upper end, and it included an initial assessment, birth, and a visit a few weeks after birth. That gave me pause. In addition, she lives in the next town, but on the positive side, she has 4-wheel drive. However, it will likely take her at least 30 min. to get to me in ideal conditions. Perhaps the greatest concern is that she has another person already on her calendar with a due date 1 day from mine. The other person has first dibs on her services, and she has no back-up. The doula was supposed to be my back-up, and it doesn't look like that is very reliable. So, it doesn't sound like this is the reassurance I was looking for, as much as I would be spending.

Discombobulated. 11-8-11

I was really struggling this morning. I slept in until after 6am and had to get going for class. After having breakfast and trying to get myself up and moving, I figured I'd get a bagel with tofu cream cheese for a mid-morning snack. I popped the bagel in the toaster. I kept smelling something cooking. I took a shower. I got dressed. I kept smelling something cooking. I walked into the kitchen. A VERY done bagel. I tossed it and started another. I was running late. I arrived 8 minutes late to class, and one of my students had left the class to call out the search party. So, we started the class with a very honest assessment of the state of affairs. I'm just hoping I can make it through. The class was good about it and are really hoping I can finish the term. We only have a few more classes, thank goodness! So, we wound up running over on class time, which I really hate. I hate being late--late to start and late to end.
After class, I stayed later to work with a student. I should have left and went directly to the meeting at the homeless shelter, but I HAD to eat. So I stopped by the house to warm up some left over Chinese. The Doctors was on. And out of the corner of my eye... Seriously, is that a pregnant woman Pole Dancing? Why yes, yes it is a very large pregnant woman, bigger than me, Pole Dancing. Well, I guess there are some guys that go for that sort of thing. I was chatting with my friend M about a situation with a family friend who offered his services, and she was telling me that she saw some ads for guys who had a thing for fat, pregnant chicks. The chat just went downhill from there. I didn't think to ask her if they were looking for fat, pregnant women that did pole dancing... And so, as discombobulated as I was, I was late to the meeting at the shelter. Fortunately, I was more on time than most of the others ;)

Taking Stock at Week 29. 11-7-11

Here's what's happening at Week 29:

• Achy all over. My back. My legs. You name it. The relaxin, the muscle relaxing hormone, must have kicked in. I wonder if it's putting extra stress on my tendons. With my arthritis, the tendons get angry so easily. My class ends in mid-December. I just hope I can make it through.
• Well, I apologize in advance to say it, but I just christened my first hemorrhoid this weekend. I guess I'm officially pregnant, now ;) I'd like to thank iron supplements for this moment. I've been chugging Metamucil to celebrate. I've rediscovered Dole orange, pineapple, banana juice, which helps take the edge off.
• Quiet night and quiet morning (thanks to L ;) We'll get it sorted; all in good time.). My head feels much clearer. Maybe I shouldn't have had all the sugar from the pancakes and syrup on Sunday morning.
• I can't say much new about my Boop. Her little body can just shift my entire bump. It's so strange to watch. And my bump feels really firm. One of the pregnancy sites say she should be pretty close to her final length, about 17 inches; most of the others said 15 inches. <I predict Boop will be about 21 inches.> And the estimates for weight were 3-4 lbs.

Talkin' Turkey. 11-6-11

I kind of know how Tom feels. Chock full of hormones, plumping up for the big day, eating everything in sight. Waddling around, pacing in circles, squalking a bit. At least, my fate will be much, much better. And in the end, I'll have a little <?> bundle of joy. I was reading on a pregnancy website about birthing surprises. A few of the women commented about how far off the doctor was for predicting weight. One of the ultrasound estimates was off by 3 lbs!! The mother was commenting that she knew she was having a big baby; although the doctor didn't seem to believe her. I guess he got a bit more than he bargained for at 10 lbs. And so it is with Boop. I know she's a big girl :) I already told the midwife. I know she'll be at least 8 lbs. I haven't had any luck figuring out what Dad weighed, but just judging by his cousins, I'm guessing it was probably about 9 lbs or more.

http://www.greatseal.com/symbols/TheWildTurkey

I'm starting to make plans for Thanksgiving. In Latin American culture, they used to count the year before birth as the first year of life. I'm not sure if they still do this, but I can understand the sentiment. I'll be very thankful for having my Boop with me. And then there will be the showers. I'm hoping that I'll get to see cousins that I haven't seen in a while. I've been thinking about my cousins S and J and how they've been telling me that they want to take me out for Chinese for a few years now. They live in a different part of town than Mom and with my hectic trips back home and with their retirement travel, it's just tricky logistically. Well, there are so many people I want to see. And I will be seen... there's not much missing me these days.
And let's be honest, opening presents is fun. I didn't register, which people think is totally crazy. "But there are so many things you'll need: how will you make sure that you get everything?" "What if you don't get what you want?" "What if you get 2 of something?" Well, I want people to get me what they want to get me, and I'd rather see them than care about a gift. I still remember what my dad said not long before he passed, "Well, at least it's brought us all here together." That's the important thing, and we have a chance to celebrate a good thing happening. And Boop will be part doll baby, part guinea pig--trying on all of her clothes, testing binkies and diapers, and being the source of many experiments with things I've never seen or heard of before that you "must" have for a baby.

Change. 11-5-11

The time changes early tomorrow morning. The leaves on the trees are falling everywhere. It's change, but it's the same sort of change I experience every year. I've lived here for almost 2 years. My neighborhood seems quite familiar now, with the exception of a few people moving in and moving out of the neighborhood. Winnie decided to go blonde today, but this is much the same: she is a magnet for fresh paint, like the cat that tries to run from Pepe LePew. I'm in the midst of my typical remodeling. I pick mostly the same wall colors in every house; I still have the same couch, chair, coffee table, and bedroom suit that I've had since grad school; the same TV that I got in high school.

Notice big globs of crusted paint...

I've had the same friends--some going back to elementary school, and I slowly add to my circle with each new location and situation. Even though we may be far apart and haven't seen each other for a while, we're still very similar to the people we were when we last met. I don't give up on people easily. My musical tastes haven't changed much. I still watch the same old sit-coms, and I can watch them over and over again. My political leanings: still the same since high school. I still have the same anxieties and ailments that have plagued me most of my life, but their predictability has helped me to manage them a bit better, I guess. Maybe I'm a bit more skeptical than I used to be, but that probably happened way back in grad school. I still like my country ham and biscuits, chicken and dumplin's, punctuated by something exotic. I'm just as close to my extended family as ever; although I have to work a bit harder at logistics.
I'm laying here on the couch and Boop is doing flip-flops. There are so many uncertainties; so many new worries. And change. My body has changed. Other things are going to change in a major way, too. Part of my way of dealing is to try not to think about it too much. However, I'm going to have to try to plan for the contingencies that I can. I hope I can manage all the changes that Boop will bring, but I know it won't be easy for me. My only consolation is that I've wanted to be a Mom all of my life and have been continually training for the opportunity.

Sitting. 11-4-11

I crashed about 7:30 or 8pm last night, was up again about midnight, and then got a bit more sleep. I'm feeling a bit better this morning after a chaotic night the night before last. The iron supplements are taking their toll. Lots of unpleasant GI problems, but I'm doing alright. Boop is her usual busy self. I felt her wiggling around at midnight and then a few hours later. Maybe I'm imagining things, but when I started talking to her and rubbing my bump, she seemed to settle right down. Neither alone seemed to settle her. Well, maybe she just has good focus. Of course, ADHD is on my mind, as I have cousins with it, but maybe she will just be active with good concentration.
I went to a session at work on childcare yesterday. So many problems. Sometimes I feel like I've landed on a different planet. I've already lamented about my worries with lack of adequate daycare. The director of the daycare near my house was at the session, too. There's no inside track, unfortunately. She was very frustrated at the delays herself and would love for them to open a couple more of the daycares. A woman at the meeting was 10 wks pregnant and was 67 on the wait list at the daycare by me. I'm probably at 40 or 50 on the waiting list, and I'm 7 months pregnant. The woman and her husband also have a 2 year old. They were so upset about the daycare their daughter was in, and they had a really bad impression of the one that is a fallback option for Boop. They have also had some challenges with work. They are considering a group-share nanny/sitter. So, we exchanged names, and hopefully, we can get a small group together to manage it.