Taking Stock at Week 35. 12-19-11

Here’s what’s happening at Week 35:

• I’m one month before my official due date, as estimated by ultrasound. I checked the websites for Week 35. It sounds like if I were to deliver today, the complication rate would be nearly as low as full term. At this point, the liver is the main thing left to mature, but even full term babies may be jaundiced. The average baby is getting close to 6 lbs. Wonder what this means for Boop?
• This morning, a little after 5am, I had a moderate contraction, and I had a mild one in the shower about 8:30am. So, maybe just Braxton Hicks, I guess. Tomorrow is my work shower; so it would be better if I weren’t in the hospital in labor. Two more weeks, if I can just make it 2 more weeks, that will be about right. Some folks at work were telling me to just hold on until the shower but were wondering if I would even make it that long!
• I still don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing at the hospital. Hopefully, during my midwife visit on Friday, we can get some details sorted out. Mom will be able to go this time. I’m sure she’ll have some questions for the midwife, too. It would be nice to make a trial run and to see where I’ll be going and what I’ll be doing.
• My GI issues are really kicking in. Not sure if I picked up a little GI bug or if it is just part of the pregnancy. The reflux is pretty rough, and I was having a bit of trouble sleeping because of it. Fortunately, if I’ve had any headaches, they’ve been relatively mild.

Aches and Pains. 12-16-11

I just talked to my mom and found out that my great Aunt A passed away, and my great Aunt M just checked into the hospital. Sad on the first part, relieved on the 2^nd part. I just wish that my great Aunt A hadn’t waited so long to get sorted out. Me, if I’m not well, I want to nip it in the bud, “Nip it in the Bud!” I used to not be able to understand why folks went to the doctor so much and thought that it was about getting attention, but then I had a few problems that weren’t easy to resolve. I remember doing an interview with someone once who said, “Allergies are non-thing.” Of course, he’s never woken up with his eyes swollen shut with labored breathing, as I personally have. Allergies can be serious.

I have a neighbor who is older than me but very healthy, and her illnesses can be remedied by drinking more water. She’s a very lucky person. As for me, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve found the remedies aren’t so simple. At least there are preventive measures to keep matters from getting worse. Boop and I have had our flu shot. I had my pneumonia shot a couple of years ago after having a mild bout.

When I heard about my aunts, I was calling my mom to tell her that I made an extra visit to the midwife this morning. I was having some pretty constant pain, and I couldn’t figure it out. The midwife worked me in before they closed at noon. On exam, the midwife said that she could feel Boop’s head (meaning that Boop had really dropped and was in good position if she doesn’t move), and we thought it might be a UTI <antibiotics again… ugh!>. To be on the safe side, they monitored me for contractions. Boop’s heart rate and activity were all perfectly normal and no contractions. Maybe that’s because I was repeating over and over in my head on the way to the midwives’, “I’m not having contractions. I’m not having contractions.” I was relieved, and hopefully I’ll start to feel better when the antibiotics kick in.

Taking Stock at Week 33. 12-5-11

Here’s what is happening at Week 33:

• Another week. I’m progressing. Gaining more weight. Grumbling about my arthritis, which has worsened by the hormones and the weight. Yep, I’m in the uncomfortable phase and wondering about my body after I give birth. Several folks have told me that they’ve gained over 40 lbs, but they are slim now. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. I would like to be able to be more active, but it’s just not realistic.

• The house is looking better every week. More and more of the renovation tasks on my list are getting checked off, one by one. The house is getting cleaner and more organized. It’s a very slow and laborious process. A day off here and there would help. I’ll have my Thanksgiving days off made up by next week, I think; so I can take another day off.
• On the Internet pregnancy sites, they are saying that my Boop is continuing to gain weight and that her bones should be ossifying. Also, Boop’s lungs should be developed by now. Parts of the brain (responsible for processing language and vision) should be starting to function. People tell me that she will come out responding to her name, “Boop.” I’m fine with that ;) It will give me a little time to decide on her real name. Also, one of the sites says that her amniotic fluid is the most it will be by this week. From now on, it will be getting tighter and tighter in there.
• One of the Internet sites recommended packing a bag for the hospital. I saw something on the SMC  website about the things I need to include. Part of the challenge will be trying to figure out how big little Boop and I will be. Do I bring newborn stuff, or do I bring 3-6 month stuff? What size will I wear? I’m hoping I’m a fair bit smaller, but I know I won’t be my pre-pregnancy size.

A Mild Hiccup. 12-2-11

I felt Boop’s first hiccups today, at least that’s what I think it was J It felt a bit like a drum with a very steady beat. At the moment, she is pressing heavily just north and to the left of my belly button. I think that’s a favorite spot for her foot. She’s getting so strong. As strong as she is, if she’s in there for too long, she might just break right through my abdomen and bust out!

I chatted with a new mom, A, at work today. She wasn’t so enthusiastic about taking labor classes. She said that it wasn’t very informative, but overall, she’s glad she went. Bless her heart, A just ranted about how good I look; the same with another new mom, G, at work later this afternoon. I know I’m large and a bit frumpy, but it’s sweet of them to try to give me some encouragement and to help me feel better about it all. G said she started feeling miserable at about 8 months and wound up having her baby about 10 days early. I can only hope that Boop comes a wee bit early, rather than a wee bit late…

Although I’m feeling mentally pretty good this afternoon, I’m running a bit slow. I had been thinking about having friends over, but somehow I wound up choosing Saturday evening. Not sure what I was thinking. I still have a lot to do! But my helpers are coming over tomorrow, and they made pretty good progress last night. I think we can do it J I’m going to miss cookie making day and cookie exchange back home; so I figured I’d have friends over to make cookies and candies. Maybe we’ll make peanut butter cookies and peanut brittle. I need to think of some other easy ones. Chocolate no-bakes would be another good one. We might also do some sugar cookies. Maybe we’ll make some progress on the tree, too. It’s nice to have help decorating the tree.

Taking Stock at Week 31. 11-21-11

Here's what's happening at Week 31:

• Almost 8 months pregnant, WOW! And people say that I look like I could go any minute. I'm a BIG momma, and it's really quite disconcerting. I don't really get hungry, but when I eat, everything else seems to fade into the background. Perhaps it's Zen? Really hard to carry on dinner conversations.
• Sleep is getting to be more of a challenge. My hips get really sore from sleeping on one side. And my sinus infection hasn't really gone away. I don't know if it's worth another course of antibiotics. I've had 2 courses of antibiotics since pregnant. With each additional time, I feel like I'm pressing my luck more and more. And I have to go to the bathroom about every 2 hours. If you can't reach me <like just a minute ago>, I was visiting the ladies room ;)
• Mom said that Winnie looks thinner, but she says that every time we see her. When Aunt M said it, I thought I should double check. Unfortunately, they were right. More than a finger between her rib cage and belly. So, I'll give Winnie a week to fatten up a bit, and if she doesn't seem better, she's off to the vet. At least I have a little time to spoil her a bit.

Discombobulated. 11-8-11

I was really struggling this morning. I slept in until after 6am and had to get going for class. After having breakfast and trying to get myself up and moving, I figured I'd get a bagel with tofu cream cheese for a mid-morning snack. I popped the bagel in the toaster. I kept smelling something cooking. I took a shower. I got dressed. I kept smelling something cooking. I walked into the kitchen. A VERY done bagel. I tossed it and started another. I was running late. I arrived 8 minutes late to class, and one of my students had left the class to call out the search party. So, we started the class with a very honest assessment of the state of affairs. I'm just hoping I can make it through. The class was good about it and are really hoping I can finish the term. We only have a few more classes, thank goodness! So, we wound up running over on class time, which I really hate. I hate being late--late to start and late to end.
After class, I stayed later to work with a student. I should have left and went directly to the meeting at the homeless shelter, but I HAD to eat. So I stopped by the house to warm up some left over Chinese. The Doctors was on. And out of the corner of my eye... Seriously, is that a pregnant woman Pole Dancing? Why yes, yes it is a very large pregnant woman, bigger than me, Pole Dancing. Well, I guess there are some guys that go for that sort of thing. I was chatting with my friend M about a situation with a family friend who offered his services, and she was telling me that she saw some ads for guys who had a thing for fat, pregnant chicks. The chat just went downhill from there. I didn't think to ask her if they were looking for fat, pregnant women that did pole dancing... And so, as discombobulated as I was, I was late to the meeting at the shelter. Fortunately, I was more on time than most of the others ;)

Taking Stock at Week 29. 11-7-11

Here's what's happening at Week 29:

• Achy all over. My back. My legs. You name it. The relaxin, the muscle relaxing hormone, must have kicked in. I wonder if it's putting extra stress on my tendons. With my arthritis, the tendons get angry so easily. My class ends in mid-December. I just hope I can make it through.
• Well, I apologize in advance to say it, but I just christened my first hemorrhoid this weekend. I guess I'm officially pregnant, now ;) I'd like to thank iron supplements for this moment. I've been chugging Metamucil to celebrate. I've rediscovered Dole orange, pineapple, banana juice, which helps take the edge off.
• Quiet night and quiet morning (thanks to L ;) We'll get it sorted; all in good time.). My head feels much clearer. Maybe I shouldn't have had all the sugar from the pancakes and syrup on Sunday morning.
• I can't say much new about my Boop. Her little body can just shift my entire bump. It's so strange to watch. And my bump feels really firm. One of the pregnancy sites say she should be pretty close to her final length, about 17 inches; most of the others said 15 inches. <I predict Boop will be about 21 inches.> And the estimates for weight were 3-4 lbs.

Talkin' Turkey. 11-6-11

I kind of know how Tom feels. Chock full of hormones, plumping up for the big day, eating everything in sight. Waddling around, pacing in circles, squalking a bit. At least, my fate will be much, much better. And in the end, I'll have a little <?> bundle of joy. I was reading on a pregnancy website about birthing surprises. A few of the women commented about how far off the doctor was for predicting weight. One of the ultrasound estimates was off by 3 lbs!! The mother was commenting that she knew she was having a big baby; although the doctor didn't seem to believe her. I guess he got a bit more than he bargained for at 10 lbs. And so it is with Boop. I know she's a big girl :) I already told the midwife. I know she'll be at least 8 lbs. I haven't had any luck figuring out what Dad weighed, but just judging by his cousins, I'm guessing it was probably about 9 lbs or more.

http://www.greatseal.com/symbols/TheWildTurkey

I'm starting to make plans for Thanksgiving. In Latin American culture, they used to count the year before birth as the first year of life. I'm not sure if they still do this, but I can understand the sentiment. I'll be very thankful for having my Boop with me. And then there will be the showers. I'm hoping that I'll get to see cousins that I haven't seen in a while. I've been thinking about my cousins S and J and how they've been telling me that they want to take me out for Chinese for a few years now. They live in a different part of town than Mom and with my hectic trips back home and with their retirement travel, it's just tricky logistically. Well, there are so many people I want to see. And I will be seen... there's not much missing me these days.
And let's be honest, opening presents is fun. I didn't register, which people think is totally crazy. "But there are so many things you'll need: how will you make sure that you get everything?" "What if you don't get what you want?" "What if you get 2 of something?" Well, I want people to get me what they want to get me, and I'd rather see them than care about a gift. I still remember what my dad said not long before he passed, "Well, at least it's brought us all here together." That's the important thing, and we have a chance to celebrate a good thing happening. And Boop will be part doll baby, part guinea pig--trying on all of her clothes, testing binkies and diapers, and being the source of many experiments with things I've never seen or heard of before that you "must" have for a baby.

Change. 11-5-11

The time changes early tomorrow morning. The leaves on the trees are falling everywhere. It's change, but it's the same sort of change I experience every year. I've lived here for almost 2 years. My neighborhood seems quite familiar now, with the exception of a few people moving in and moving out of the neighborhood. Winnie decided to go blonde today, but this is much the same: she is a magnet for fresh paint, like the cat that tries to run from Pepe LePew. I'm in the midst of my typical remodeling. I pick mostly the same wall colors in every house; I still have the same couch, chair, coffee table, and bedroom suit that I've had since grad school; the same TV that I got in high school.

Notice big globs of crusted paint...

I've had the same friends--some going back to elementary school, and I slowly add to my circle with each new location and situation. Even though we may be far apart and haven't seen each other for a while, we're still very similar to the people we were when we last met. I don't give up on people easily. My musical tastes haven't changed much. I still watch the same old sit-coms, and I can watch them over and over again. My political leanings: still the same since high school. I still have the same anxieties and ailments that have plagued me most of my life, but their predictability has helped me to manage them a bit better, I guess. Maybe I'm a bit more skeptical than I used to be, but that probably happened way back in grad school. I still like my country ham and biscuits, chicken and dumplin's, punctuated by something exotic. I'm just as close to my extended family as ever; although I have to work a bit harder at logistics.
I'm laying here on the couch and Boop is doing flip-flops. There are so many uncertainties; so many new worries. And change. My body has changed. Other things are going to change in a major way, too. Part of my way of dealing is to try not to think about it too much. However, I'm going to have to try to plan for the contingencies that I can. I hope I can manage all the changes that Boop will bring, but I know it won't be easy for me. My only consolation is that I've wanted to be a Mom all of my life and have been continually training for the opportunity.

Taking Stock at Week 28. 10-31-11

Here's what's happening at Week 28:

• No gestational diabetes :) That's a huge relief! Well, that was the good news that the midwife started her call with. The bad news: anemia. I can deal. I should be able to manage with 2 iron pills a day. I dread having to go back on colace, but it's WAY better than having to stick myself 4 times a day to monitor glucose. The anemia explains plenty: my perpetual craving for red meat, fatigue, etc.
• Otherwise, not a lot of new stuff. The pregnancy sites mostly say that Boop is gaining weight and getting longer. Her lungs should be able to breathe with a little assistance. Basically, she's got a pretty good shot of making it :) She's certainly a strong kicker, with much endurance!
• Uncomfortable. I have trouble getting situated. And I just want to eat and eat and eat, but then my tummy doesn't feel quite right. I'm tired. I hope I don't have to stay up late to manage class prep and trick-or-treaters. I haven't decided if I'm going dress my bump. Maybe I should have a little nap?
• Slight nose bleeds. I suspect that it's just a bit too dry for me. My skin is always dry. I love having the fireplace going, but I probably should compensate for the dryness in the air. I guess the dryness won't hurt Boop, and I can't really blame it for the anemia.

Taking Stock at Week 27. 10-24-11

Here's what happening at Week 27:

• Wow, it was a long day getting home yesterday. Started later due to country breakfast at great Aunt D's and trying to get the crib in the car. Then, I took the northern route, which should be about a half hour longer as I wanted to stop at my old stomping ground and stock up at my fave groceries (whole wheat cous cous and lots of noodles at the Asian grocery!). My pit stops only added about an hour (the car was getting a bit warm for Winnie), but then the traffic jams added another hour. I won't be trying that again for a long time...
• I'm so close to month 7. All of Boop's parts should be in place. I'm just gaining weight. Yay-rah... Good for her. Not so good for me. I go to reach for something, and then I remember there's a big bump :)
• One of the pregnancy websites recommends starting to think about post-partum family planning (i.e., birth control). I couldn't help but get a little laugh out of that one! Another notes that swelling may be starting now. I seem to be doing okay, but I'm trying to get prepared for it in the coming months.

Very Metal. 10-5-11

Very Metal, the taste in my mouth. I just try to eat to get rid of the taste, and my rump and my bump are a testament. You know you're out of kilter when you can relate a bit too much to the Young Ones. Vivian's 'Very Metal' jacket reminded me. In particular, I'm thinking about the episode where Vivian was pregnant. Yep, I feel bloated much like poor Vivian, a very scary thought, but there really is a baby Boop in there... I have the ultrasounds to prove it! And then there's the whole issue of naming kids. Vivian took the wise approach to naming his baby, sidestepping the teasing issue, and choosing a name to purposely get his child into fights: Shutup or Pissoff, I believe. And then there was the problem of how to care for the child, "Vivian's baby will be born a Pauper!" and they had to borrow cups of sugar just for heat. I'm doing a bit better, but there is so much up in the air.
There was a different episode where Vivian borrowed Rik's roll-on deodorant for his smelly guinea pig. Yep, poor Winnie needs a bath, but I dread having to do it. She's so much happier to be dirty and stinky, and well, I'm much happier not to be kicked in the gut. Roll-on deodorant is clearly not an optimal choice, but I understand the sentiment. And then there are concerns about the environment, so eloquently addressed by Rik, "Pollution, are you coming to my town, or am I coming to yours?." Of course, I am concerned about the quality of air and water for my little Boop, living only a few miles from a mountain top removal project. I know the worries are just beginning, but the less my life feels like a Young Ones episode, the better off I am.

The Man. 9-26-11 (Yes, I know I'm white.)

The day has been going downhill. Someone added my name to something, and it came as a surprise to me. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with it, but it's not a good feeling. Next, I found out the book shelves I ordered online from Target 2 days ago had a price drop of $13, but after 20 min. of leading me on, the guy on the phone said I couldn't get the difference. Then, I went to a talk about Maori parenting, or rather, about a woman trying to help Maori women who are about to lose their children. If I remember the numbers correctly, Maoris make up 14% of the New Zealand population, but Maoris are about 60% of the children that are taken away from their parents. That number seems too incredible to be correct. Mercy, I hope not! But I'm just talking about The Man (you know, whitey... the establishment).
On the way home from the Maori talk, me, as pregnant as I am, was getting on the tram and was shifting my bag to sit down in a seat, when a college student whipped around me and sat down. Fortunately, there was still a seat left, or I would have been a goner, standing up in the non-air-conditioned tram with windows that wouldn't open. Her and her Vera Bradley bag and Iphone. I managed to check myself, but I felt like going off on a rant about entitled, upper middle class, white folks, especially those that think that they should get a trophy just for appearing. Yes, she was a female, but she's just a cog in the machine, a contributor to the hegemony!
And so the final tipping point in my rant is the issue of life insurance to take care of my little Boop. It was 9pm after a book lecture, and I was trying to get prepared for work and settle in for the evening. I received a phone call; the insurance rate I had initially been quoted, after all of the paper work, had doubled! Of course, I started the application process in late June, when I was still at a normal BMI. Now that I have ballooned to an appropriate pregnancy weight 3 months later, it will be hard to get a decent rate on insurance. And then there was the panic of what happens to me if something happens during delivery. Who will take care of my little Boop? So it's a pretty low time, I'm tired, not sure what to do, and I'm feeling stressed because of The Man.

Birthdays. 9-15-11

Yesterday was one of those days where I felt like folks were poking me with needles to see how I would respond. If I admit I care, I only open myself up to more trouble. I've felt very foggy the last couple of days; a weather front was moving in. Chilly and wet. I know what season it is, and what is coming in the next few weeks. At least Boop entertains me with her little kicks, and I'm reflecting on birthdays.
I don't fully understand what is going on, but I'm just having to manage it as it comes. There might be some who take pleasure in that unknown, but I don't. It's a quieter day today. They are going to do another ultrasound in a couple of weeks. Hopefully, they'll be able to get Boop's profile this time, and she won't keep putting her tiny hands in the way of her face. I hated that we had to keep harrassing her.
And so birthdays, they're filled with so much pressure and expectation. I'm a little freaked out at the thought of giving birth. I need to start making my birth plan more definite, but I haven't jumped in. Right now, there is a lot going on, and I'm just trying to make it day to day. Trying to figure out what I'm doing in the next month, if I can manage the family reunion <not sure yet when it is> and if I can manage a trip to visit friends. And then the holidays... And then a big birthday, insha'Allah.

Little Stinker. 9-14-11

I thought it was funny when I had my arm laying across my bump holding my TV remote control, and Boop kicked, bouncing my arm up in the air. And then there was another time when I had my hand on my bump, and I felt a swift kick.
Earlier today, I was sitting at a meeting in the homeless shelter, and I could tell Boop was awake. I had my hands crossed across my bump. Kick! I put my hand on the lower right side of my bump. She kicked me there. Quickly, I thought I'd put my hand on the lower left side. She can't move around that fast. Low and behold, another little kick right at that hand. I'm guessing that was probably more of a punch with her hand than a kick. I don't think that Boop moved that fast. She doesn't respond to waist bands or seat belts. Maybe she responded when the midwife was trying to get Boop's heart rate, and I bet that's why we couldn't get a good view of Boop's face. The more the ultrasonographer poked at her, the more she wanted nothing to do with it and stuck both her hands up there. How are we going to get an ultrasound of her profile if she reacts that way?
Well, Boop has really good aim! Boop certainly has much better coordination and aim than her momma. What do you think: karate or some other form of martial art?

Everything Under the Sun. 9/11/11

I was reading that there is some indication that babies form food preferences in the womb, that scientists believe that some flavors or some elements of the composition of food reach the amniotic fluid. And they believe that this is one of the first ways that a baby is introduced to his/her culture. Boop's taste buds started to develop some time ago.
And little Boop. I eat everything under the sun. Hopefully, that will mean that Boop won't be a picky eater. My mom used to talk about what a picky eater I am... I didn't care for green beans (the way they are prepared back home, as one northern nutritionist called them, "cooked to death") or meatloaf. I had internalized this 'picky eater' label somewhat until I had a chance to try Chinese as a teenager and then went off to college. Later, I realized that I'm not that picky of an eater, it's just that the only veggies my mom made were corn, potatoes, and green beans. I didn't eat green beans; so I didn't eat 1/3 of the veggies that my mom cooked. It's unfortunate that I discovered in college that I'm severely lactose intollerant and have a few food allergies that have developed over time. So, people probably still think I'm picky, rather than just not being able to eat things.
In my mind, I imagine my own little Boop visiting with my mom. 'Grandma, can't we have something besides hamburger and potatoes?' 'Well, what do you want to eat?' 'Can't we get Sushi or a Curry? or Ethiopian?' And then what would my mom do? Of course, she'd be going out for Japanese and have to eat something 'slimy'... Mom always said she hoped that I had a child just like me to understand what I put her through. Well, she might be too much like me ;)

Mummers. 9-7-11

I had a meeting this morning at the office closer to my house. The weather was mild, I wasn't feeling sick, so I figured I would walk. As I was walking, I was thinking, 'I bet I look like a duck. No, I look like a mummer!' The first time I heard the word mummer, I didn't know what it meant, either.
I got an email from my friend D asking if I wanted to go with her to Ocean City on a Saturday. The main church there was having a mummer show. I said, 'Sure,' having no idea what I was going to be doing. Something about a parade? Award-winning group from Philly? In a church? Ocean City, NJ was always a nice time away from campus, and I figured I might as well. We sat out, found a place to park, had a nice little walk around the beach, and decided which of the painted ladies we liked the best. Then, we headed over to the church. Outside, they were selling sarsparilla (like from the Old West), which should have been a sign. I hadn't ever had one that I could remember, and I figured I better try one. Then, we headed into the old church. It was huge. I'm pretty sure we were the youngest people there by a good 4 decades. I was taking it all in. I kept waiting for more people to come, and waiting, and waiting.
Out came the mummers from Philadelphia. It was quite a spectacle unfolding before us. Quite a gay old time, in the original sense of the term...we'll go with that. They were in their full marching band regalia and had their backs arched triumphantly, waving their batons in the air. But there was no band. They played a tape recording of the music. They also sang folky songs from the region that I hadn't heard of, like Cape May. And the guys pranced around, threading themselves through the pews of the church. The senior set was eating it up. Then, the mummers asked us all to join in a sort-of bizarre conga line. D and I declined. I was still trying to sort out what exactly was going on, and I still am. That walk was sort of etched in my mind, and I hadn't thought much about it, until I was walking like a mummer today <sans prancing and a baton>...

My Little Girl. 9-1-11

Hands to the Side of Her Noggin'

In case you didn’t already hear from my mom: Boop is a girl. Just a big, active, girl. And she was being a little shy and stubborn today. Just like her momma and grandma… <me more of one, my mom more of the other ;)> We saw her little girl bits just fine, but she did not want us to look at her face. The ultrasonagrapher kept trying to get her to move her hands, and all the poking she did and wiggling I did would not get Boop to move. Lots of photos of her feet. Finally, Boop got so annoyed that she just rolled over and stuck her rear out at us, as if to say, “Kiss my a**!”

Kneeling Down

Mom made me promise to send photos as soon as I got back from the visit. And I did. She told me to call her. And I did. It’s strange to hear my mom happy. And then, “Can I tell people? Is it okay if I tell people?” Yes, mom, go ahead… Not long afterwards, I got a call from my great aunt D who had already helped me pick out a name :).

The important thing is that Boop is healthy and looks good. No signs of anomaly or other suspicious findings. Heart, brain, and other vital organs look good; arms, legs, hands, and feet all proportional and straight. Just a busy little spitfire kicking around in there.

Attention. 8-21-11



Almost 18 Weeks                                             

There's no avoiding it. I get a lot of attention these days. I tend to keep to myself, but there is no denying one important fact: I'm pregnant. And I'm big. Yes, I am really only 18 weeks pregnant. No, I'm not expecting twins. They've looked 3 times. Just one baby. One big baby. And I had a heck of a time trying to get ready for the dinner last night. I'm amazed I was still able to get into my size 4 dress. Fortunately, it was almost empire waisted, but you could see my huge bump. I couldn't help but laugh at myself.

When I came in to the dinner, my boss's boss greeted me, solicitous about how I was doing. I hadn't told her, but I guess the writing was on the wall ;) Frankly, I was more concerned about her. Her daughter, about my age, is a very advanced Stage 4 and declining fast. She had emailed us to explain that she really needed to focus on work while she was here and didn't want to discuss her family situation. I felt so awkward in the greeting. On personality tests, I'm at the extreme end, very high in empathic concern. So, it's very hard for me to switch out of that gear.

And Boop is an immediate ice breaker. People always have something to talk to me about being pregnant. That makes it easier when meeting a lot of new people. No one has touched or rubbed my belly, yet, but I know it's coming. I'm feeling a little spoiled by all of the people holding the doors a little extra long, greeting me with big smiles, calling me honey and sweety, making sure I get plenty to eat, and such. Hm, maybe this extra attention isn't such a bad thing :)

A little background...

"Are you in there little fetus? In 9 months you'll come to greet us!"--Phoebe on Friends.

Tomorrow, I believe will be 10 wks LMP (or about 8 wks GA). So, Boop will officially be a fetus, as opposed to an embryo. I was looking around online at some of the freaky images. The feti? fetuses? look like little alien creatures. And then there are photos of expectant moms with their bumps. It's a little frightening, too. Fortunately, I guess, I don't look quite as extreme as those women. My bump is quite small, and I don't think I look that big. Folks who see me may say otherwise...

It was a hard road to get to this place. I tried to meet the right guy, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be. And then there were all of the health problems. I'm not a young woman and got some pretty scary results from some blood tests ran by my GYN the end of last year, and I learned that I had POF (Premature Ovarian Failure, sometimes known by a kinder term: Premature Ovarian Insufficiency), which is a medical term for early menopause. My RE (reproductive endocrinologist) looked up at me, and said, "If you want to have children, you better start SOON." So, I tried to quickly get myself in gear. I had talked to a friend from grad school who became a Single Mother by Choice, and I joined their support group. Then, I prepared myself for the hard road ahead.

People often think, 'you should just adopt.' Well, unfortunately, it's not that easy, especially for a single woman. It's really expensive and takes a long time, if you ever succeed. Along with being single, with my health history, I don't know if I would have much luck. And there was the other bigger picture issue. I'm the only child of an only child; the last one left in my grandfather's line. Granted I have a wonderful extended family--lots of cousins and adopted grandparents, but part of me feels a bit like the Last of the Mohicans: Natty Bumppo or is it Chingachook?

So, I had tried to think of how far I would go. There are all of the celebrity women in their 40's and 50's getting pregnant. It's not a very realistic picture. Some women in their 40's are using donor eggs to get pregnant, a very expensive prospect. In my mind, I tried to figure what I would do to be a mom. Fortunately, I never had to get that far. I got pregnant on my second try! I was totally shocked. I never imagined it would happen this quickly.

I'm sitting here writing this for a few reasons. First of all, I'm not doing this for exhibitionistic motives. Those who know me well know that I am a very private person. And I hope that little Boop won't be too embarrassed by my efforts (well, except as a teen, where my every action will undoubtedly be a source of embarrassment). Mainly, I hope that at some point, Boop will find some humor in the postings and know how much s/he (I'm actually pretty sure Boop is a girl) is loved. Another major reason is for connection both for Boop and me with my family who is far away. In spite of her valiant efforts, my mom can at times be an unreliable messenger. Now you can get the scoop straight from the horse's mouth! And I appreciate hearing from you: getting your thoughts on my reflections and getting your advice. SO, PLEASE COMMENT <see comment area below>! Again, those who know me well will know that I will listen, consider your suggestions, and then do pretty much whatever I want ;) I guess that's a mother's prerogative...