There’s been some discussion on the SMC website about making a birth plan. A few months ago, the midwives had asked me about pain management. I told them I was all for the epidural if we could manage it. I’m a realist. Plenty of women walk in to Labor and Deliver with grand plans for natural childbirth, but when the intense labor starts, they beg for the epidural. Some folks are too late. I plan to skip the brave act and make sure we can time the pain management as best as possible.
Most folks have a more elaborate birth plan. So, perhaps I should be more detailed in mine. I’ve decided to take my cue from Beyonce Knowles. Might as well, since birth plans can fly out the window anyway. I might as well write a really good one. Staff members must turn over their cell phones and cover the lenses of security cameras. Besides the fact that my Boop’s photos could garner big bucks, I don’t want anyone to see my hair in its natural state. In addition, accommodations should be made for my security guards. Well, it’s really just one: my mom. I plan to assign Mom to baby watch, making sure that Boop doesn’t get out of her site. I wouldn’t cross her. Finally, I will require my own floor of the hospital. That’s more for the protection of others than for my own luxury. If the pain gets too intense, I may shout some things that would make folks’ ears burn. And folks’ eyes may hurt from seeing me strolling the halls after giving birth. Of course, birth plans frequently fly out of the window—especially the more elaborate ones. I just want a healthy baby <and sooner, rather than later>, and if we can avoid some of the pain, all the better.
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