Back on Track. 1-30-12

Today is a better day. Boop is just as lovely as ever and fortunately, a little less yellow and a bit more alert. I called first thing this morning to get an appointment for the pediatrician. I was feeling better about today, but I was waiting for the verdict from the pediatrician. Boop was 7lbs 13oz at birth, but she had weighed 7lbs 6oz during our last 2 visits. Today, she weighed 7lbs 11oz. That’s not up to her birth weight, but she did gain 5oz in 2 days. So that was encouraging. The doctor also liked her color better and didn’t order another bilirubin test. That saved us a trip to the hospital. She also gave us the okay to nurse again. So, I will need to nurse 1^st, then supplement with pumped milk (which is hard to work in), and then supplement with formula.  

Also, today was Boop and my first trip out together in the car. She did very well, only whimpering when I 1^st clicked her into the seat. Once I got her into the car and got the car started, she was quiet. This bodes well for trips. Hopefully, we will be able to make a trip back home to see the family before the end of my maternity leave.

I put a call in to the lactation specialist at the hospital to let her know that “I fell off the wagon.” I was hoping I would be able to stop by while I was out at the pediatrician, but she wasn’t available. She called me back after lunch, and we are planning to meet tomorrow. She wasn’t too upset about the weekend, but I’m sure she would have preferred a different way besides bottle feeding. It’s a shame that I couldn’t get a supplemental nursing system here in town and that I have to wait for it to arrive through snail mail. She wants me to pump for 5 min. each hour. Hopefully, we’ll get back on track tomorrow.  

Lil’ Miss Muffet. 1-29-12

Bottle feeding is taking its toll. I miss just being able to have instant food for my little Boop. She misses it, too, I know. I haven’t had enough time to pump like I want to. When I do pump, I find that I’m able to produce a fair bit. I was so happy that after pumping I had enough for a 2 oz feeding. I put it in a bottle, and she started to take it. She would suck and cry, suck and cry. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I kept looking at the ounces, but it didn’t look like any was being removed. Then, I checked the nipple. It didn’t look like anything was coming out.

So, we switched nipples. I sat down with her to have the bottle, and she went after it. After she had an ounce, I put her face above my shoulder to burp her. Mind you, a few days ago, Mom had told me that I should put something on my shoulder in case she spat up. I had done it for a while, but she had never had any problem. You can guess what happened next. Yep, she lost most of those 2 ounces. There were curds all over me and her. I’m sure there are still some in my hair. Boop is my little yogurt factory, apparently. It could have smelled much, much worse.

Bib or blanket? Too bad I didn't have this on when she was making yogurt!

Other than that, she’s been sleeping a fair bit. I hope that’s more newborn sleeping pattern, rather than the jaundice. So far, my friend, G, and my neighbor, K, have stopped by. Boop hardly moved a muscle. I just hope that the jaundice isn’t getting worse. We will have another check tomorrow to see if she’s gained weight and probably about the status of her jaundice. It’s supposed to start snowing soon; I hope the roads are decent to go to the pediatrician.

Higher and Higher. 1-28-12

The good news and the bad news. The good news is that Boop doesn’t have to go back to the hospital, as her bilirubin was under 21. The bad news is that her bilirubin level was the highest yet: 17.2. And she hadn’t gained any weight in spite of my efforts. So, the pediatrician said we need to move exclusively to bottle for the weekend to make sure she’s getting enough to eat. I need to get 22 oz in her over a 24 hr period, feeding her every 2-3 hours. She’s due for her next bottle in a few minutes. All I want to do is sleep. Boop and I are much alike in that regard. She can’t keep her eyes open due to the jaundice.

I’m trying to keep her in the sunlight as much as possible, but she hates for her body to be exposed. I’m not sure if the daylight helps much, but I guess it can’t hurt—as long as she’s not too agitated. She’s really missing nursing, I can tell. I’ve been giving her my pinky, which is somewhat soothing, but I can tell she’s wanting milk. There’s little time to pump, trying to feed and soothe Boop and trying to get me and Winnie fed. I’m afraid I’m going to lose the progress that I’ve made on pumping. I was lucky that I got several newborn bottles for little Boop at the shower at work.  It saved me a trip out to buy some. Overall, I’ve done pretty well with getting her fed, but it’s hard for her to stay awake through a feeding. I think this has been her problem with me nursing, too: me not producing enough, her not able to stay awake to complete a feeding. Hopefully, in the coming days, we can get both resolved, with me maybe only supplementing once or twice a day.

Uncertain Future. 1/28/12

I’ve got a bad feeling. I think I know what will happen at the pediatrician visit today. Boop is yellow again, and her “horns” (the pediatrician’s name for the large bumps on the back of Boop’s head) look more swollen.  I was talking to B whose son had bad jaundice (over 20). They admitted him to a children’s hospital, which was much more intense. Honestly, they sounded like Jaundice Nazis with their fanatical requirements that the baby stay under the light constantly, and they measured every drop in and out of the baby. B came over on Thursday and took photos of Boop and I. When I was talking to her by phone on Friday in response to my concerns about jaundice, she noted, “Yeah, I thought she looked pretty yellow last night, but I didn’t want to say anything. I was hoping I was wrong, and I knew you were planning another trip to the doctor, anyways.”

Baby or Tibetan Monk or both?

Big yawn! Hope to have a photo of her stretching soon :)

I have been feeding and feeding and feeding my Boop. Nursing, pumping, supplementing with formula, but all I’ve seen since Thursday is urine. Stools help to remove bilirubin from the body, and we need lots of those. Formula is also supposed to be better for jaundice than breast feeding/breast milk; although breast feeding is definitely better in the long run. Well, I guess I’m covering my bases, but I’m afraid she needs IV fluids and the bili lights. I dread putting her through it again. B was telling me that the children’s hospital provided a reclining chair for the parents and said that her husband wound up staying with their baby. Could be a long, miserable night for both of us. My friend, A, who also took me to labor and delivery, is taking us to the pediatrician today. I guess I will try to repack a bag in case we need to go to the hospital again. I’ve already talked to my helper about staying over with Winnie; so that’s taken care of, should we need it. I hope I’m wrong.

More Moo. 1-27-12

The rigors of feedings for little Boop make getting anything else done pretty difficult. I’m supposed to feed her 10-12 times a day and every 2 hours. That seems a bit challenging, but let’s break that down. Boop takes a good 30 minutes to nurse. We’re doing switch feedings, going from one side to the other, waking her between each switch. Sometimes I switch 3-4 times. So, that leaves almost 1.5 hours. Then, I need to give her supplemental formula, including mixing it and using a syringe to feed her. They didn’t have any supplemental nursing systems in town; so I had to order one online. Hopefully, I’ll get it within the week. The formula takes about a half hour to put together and give, leaving less than 1 hour between feedings. Then, little Boop has been having tummy trouble, which is very noticeable after the formula feedings. So, I try to comfort her. Sometimes we don’t get the formula feeding. Then, there are the diaper changes. The meconium ones are very difficult to clean up. On top of this, I’m supposed to be pumping to boost my supply. The lactation specialist wants me to ‘power pump’ to boost prolactin levels. 5 min. pumping, 10-15 min. rest, 5 min. pumping, 10-15 min. rest. This has been the most challenging to incorporate. Sleep? Good question.

Going home after seeing the lactation specialist

As it turns out, I probably have a congenital problem that makes it difficult to nurse. Some women with this problem aren’t able to nurse at all; so the fact that I’m getting anything is wonderful. Of course, it doesn’t feel so wonderful when your baby is crying because she’s hungry and has to work very hard to get anything. Right after delivery, I asked to see a lactation specialist. Of course, that was never really followed up on—or the multiple other requests I made, but when Boop’s weight kept dropping, the pediatric NP responded to my request—the day before discharge. We would have done so much better if I had seen the lactation specialist within the 1^st 3 days, but there is still time. The lactation specialist is wonderful and was noticeably disappointed that she didn’t see me sooner. Folks have been very helpful in ideas about increasing lactation. The pediatrician mentioned Reglan, a GERD medicine, but unfortunately, it increases the risk of depression. Others have suggested staying well hydrated, decreasing stress, and eating ice cream. Some herbal remedies include fenugreek, milk thistle—and pre-made combos like lactation tea and Milkmakers cookies. I ordered some of the cookies, and my friend, M, is sending me some tea. Fingers crossed!

My Little Angel. 1-22-12

It’s 11pm, and my little angel is resting comfortably in the bili box. For someone who didn’t witness the transformation, it would be hard to explain the contrast of the present to the unfortunate little creature I was trying to console a half hour ago. I don’t know what happened first. Mom came back and brought me some sushi. Wasabi. What was I thinking? I really wasn’t thinking about that part of it. I hadn’t had raw fish since before I was pregnant. And then things seemed to spiral farther out of control. Oops, we just had a momentary hiccup where she had a mini-blowout, but she’s back in the box. Speaking of hiccups, that was a part of the problem. Just like when I was carrying her, my little Boop continues to have trouble with hiccups, which got her upset. However, I think that was later in the unraveling.

Photo 1-24-12

So, when Mom brought back dinner, Mom told me that the nurse told her that Boop’s bilirubin levels this morning were 20!! So, that would have been a huge jump from 15. I figured I better have a look at the research. I found a nice review from the American Academy of Family Physicians. Essentially, a level of 20 can be neurotoxic. I stepped out of my room for the 1^st time in a couple of days because I did not want to wait until the nurses came. The nurse looked up the results. 15.6. That’s a minor increase over 15.2, which is likely not a clinically significant increase. Whew! Then, we found out Boop had lost more weight. Back to my worries about breast feeding. Fortunately, I was able to see some of my milk, and even though she seems to be continually rooting for food, she is producing waste products. Then, the assistant took Boop’s temperature. 100.3 under the arm. Then, they repeated it rectally. 100.3 again. The nurse called the MD on call. The MD said to wait an hour and retake. Fortunately, it went down to 98.6. I’ve been trying to keep the room warm, as she can get chilly under the bili lights, but we must have overdone it. Cooling and airing out the room seemed to help. That’s one potential crisis avoided!

In Bed at the Hospital, Part 2. 1-21-12

So I dug in. I can be a squeaky wheel. As it turns out, the midwives were in a state of tumult. Labor and Delivery was at capacity, and 1 of the midwives left the practice, 1 was incapacitated with a broken leg, and the rest were running around like chickens with their heads cut off. There was an OB assigned to me that I never saw. I called the midwives hoping that they could help me. Turns out the OB was covering, and I put in a call. He wasn’t thrilled to see me, but after talking a few minutes, he mellowed and got me what I needed. I would be officially checking out that evening, and in the meantime, I was getting my bases covered.

And the latch. In a last ditch effort, I made a call to the nurses’ station and requested a lactation consultant. The nurse who came in was fairly young and seemed green. I thought, “Here we go: big waste of time.” She said she wasn’t one of the main consultants, that they were there on weekdays, but she offered to help. I figured, “What do I have to lose? At least she’s trying to be helpful.” And within a half hour, Boop was feeding away. Relief.

And the “Bili Bassinette.“ No more pacifiers until much, much later. So now how do I keep Boop calm and under the lights for her bilirubin levels? Well, I figured, it was going to be a long night. I planned to give up on sleep. When Boop needed me, I’d be there. I wasn’t going to make her ‘cry it out.’ Boop is only a couple of days old. She’s not trying to manipulate. There’s something about this experience that she doesn’t like. If it’s that she is afraid of being alone, one night’s sleep isn’t going to kill me.  So, I asked my ‘green’ nurse to help get Boop into the light box, and we got Boop somewhat settled. My target was 45 min-1 hr at a stretch and to get her settled in 15 min. Boop and I did pretty good with that. I got 1.5 hrs of sleep. It was a very long night, but I figured we would check out the next morning. I would sleep then.

And I talked to the pediatrician. She seemed reasonable enough, but I was getting the sense that I wouldn’t be leaving that day. There’s a 12 hr delay between bilirubin therapy and a decrease in levels of bilirubin. So the precious night’s work wouldn’t help much in her immediate bilirubin levels.

In Bed at the Hospital, Part I. 1-21-12

I want to bring Boop home.  I’m not good at being cooped up and dependent. They were planning to discharge us yesterday, but I was concerned about Boop’s yellow color. They said her bilirubin levels were normal, but I asked that they be rechecked. Yes, they were elevated. Breast feeding and her bruised head were driving up her levels.

Wasn't this a form of torture in a James Bond movie?

They brought out the light box to lower her bilirubin levels, and Boop hated it. Suddenly, my lovely, delicate baby girl was a hysterical, traumatized wreck. We repositioned her. We consoled her. We did everything we could think of. My nurse brought in the charge nurse, and they talked me into a pacifier, which I wasn’t completely opposed to. I planned to introduce them later after nursing was well-established. They put a sweet solution on it to encourage her to take it. She seemed to calm. Then, a bit later, I took her out of the light box to feed her. She wouldn’t latch. Nipple confusion. Then, I was a wreck and angry. My baby would not eat! Her last meal was at 1pm, and the hours rolled by without her eating.  

I shouldn’t have listened to them. So many babies aren’t able to nurse to begin with. I had a baby who had an amazing <and painful!> latch, and then I lost it. Then, there was a list of things a mile long that I needed to check with the physicians about—pre-pregnancy meds, concerns about the possibility of the baby blues, etc. I was having a meltdown of my own.

A Womb with a View. 1-15-12

<Catching up>

I struggle to figure out what people want from me. Feeding into this problem, I try to keep my head down and focused, wanting to keep my life as uncomplicated as possible. The reality: life is complicated, and having a baby isn’t the most obvious way to keep one’s life uncomplicated—or to avoid anticipating someone else’s needs J I’m trying to be more open to change, trying to keep taking risks. And, I know with preparation, I have a shot of simplifying my life a bit.

There are 2 transitions that concern me the most: bringing Boop home to take care of her on my own and having to leave Boop with strangers at daycare. One thing at a time: I’m trying to figure out what to do with a newborn. I finally got a copy of The Happiest Baby on the Block. I’m about a 3^rd of the way through it. The book focuses on the 1^st 3 months of a baby’s life. Karp’s central idea is that babies really need about 3 more months in the womb: that babies really aren’t prepared for life outside at 9 months. And the best way to soothe a baby 0-3 months old is to make her environs as close to the womb as possible: that the intervention needs to be more vigorous than new parents expect, particularly for babies with ‘colic’.

I’ve got my swaddling wraps all washed and ready. I’m good at the swinging, although I don’t have much endurance yet, and have managed to soothe a few agitated newborns that way. I have a few pacifiers, but I will probably need to get a few more. A couple of other things I’ve been thinking about are a white noise machine and a baby sling. Although the Baby Bjorn will be great and supportive to carry Boop around, it won’t work too well with a swaddling wrap, and I don’t see myself being able to carry Boop all of the time. So, I’m trying to figure out how to get the wraps to work, with all of the flaps and velcro. It wasn’t this complicated when I was a little girl; I was swaddling my baby dolls with blankets at about age 3 or 4.

Taking Stock at Week 39. 1-16-12

<Catching up on old posts> Here’s what’s happening at Week 39:

Week 39? Week 39? WEEK 39!!! Yes, Boop is still hanging tough. She’s fighting all of those contractions. When I talked to the midwife today, she said that the contractions would feel uncomfortable for Boop, but that she shouldn’t be harmed or be in any sort of distress. She mentioned that we could do a non-stress test next week just to double check. Boop has always done fine with the non-stress test.

Me and Boop, before we left for the hospital on Wednesday

The midwife attempted an exam. Unfortunately, Boop was so low that she couldn’t give me any additional details on how far I’ve progressed. She said that she would just say that not much had changed since my exam 2 weeks ago.

We discussed induction. At 42 weeks, there is an increased risk of stillbirth, as the placenta starts to degrade. She said that next week, we should have a more serious talk. She preferred to use the original date of January 23^rd. I really don’t want to have to use Pitocin, and I asked her if I had other options. She gave me a sheet with information about raspberry leaf tea and evening primrose oil. So, I jumped on that and have already started trying.

Sunny Side Up. 1-19-12

My little girl.

Boop made her arrival at about 10:30pm yesterday.  It was not an easy labor for either of us. It started at 5am, and by the end, I was begging for a C-section. I didn’t get one. Early in the day, we discovered that it would be back labor, aka ‘sunny side up;’ when I heard, all I could do was groan. It’s a very difficult labor as Boop was lying on my spine. Little did I know it at the time, I would have been lucky if that were the only issue.

I was progressing but slowly. By about lunch time, I opted for the epidural as planned. It helped me get through the early part of early labor. The nurse anesthetist did a pretty good job, but it didn’t work very well on the left side. By the time I got to the pushing part, it didn’t feel like I had anything on either side. When they broke my water at about 8pm and I was dilated to 10cm, the intense labor started. I was begging for help. Unfortunately, Boop couldn’t get past my front pelvic bone; her head kept beating against it. She couldn’t clear it, and I was completely exhausted. They opted for vacuum extraction. I still had to push to get far enough for the vacuum to work, and then I had to push with the vacuum.

Poor thing, Boop’s head was a mess. As it turns out, her head was sideways trying to get down the birth canal. Between the vacuum and her sideways head, she had an awful time. Her umbilical cord was wrapped around her head twice. Her skin was really dry. However, she had a good cry. I was so exhausted, I couldn’t even lift my head to see her. Then, they had trouble with the afterbirth. The placenta wouldn’t come out and the doctor had to take it out in small pieces, which was also very painful. One of the nurses asked how far she was past term, due to the condition of the placenta and Boop’s skin. I told her that her due date was really January 23^rd. Then, the midwife had to stitch me up from Boop’s rocky exit, and we lost count of how many stitches she put in. At that point, I was ready to see my dainty little girl, all 7lbs, 13oz. and 20.5 inches of her. I wonder how her looks will change once she’s recovered from all of the trauma. She can only be more adorable.

Still Moving. 1-15-12

I needed to get out after spending the day cooped up on Friday. I had planned to ask my helper to make a stop at the grocery on her way over, but my grocery list seemed to keep growing. And I had been wanting pizza for a while. Fortunately, the roads were clear, most of the snow had blown off my car, and the sun was out. So I ventured out to get stocked up on food before the baby. This seems like a common theme. I hurry up to wait. I have no idea what to expect when Boop gets here, except to be tired and to be totally focused on her.

When my helper came, I kicked into high gear, about as high a gear as I get these days. I was thinking that all the activity would stimulate labor. Obviously, I’m writing this; so that didn’t happen. I got all of the decorations off of the tree, and my helper took the tree to the road and cleaned up all of the pine needles. She got the sheds straightened up a bit, and after I got the Christmas boxes packed, she took them out to the shed. We put together the diaper changing table; so hopefully, I can get more things rearranged in the nursery. I still need to figure out what to do about the cloth diapers, as I don’t want Winnie to get into them.

So, I had a fair number of pretty strong contractions last night. When I finally settled down, they went away. Boop has been moving around and kicking a fair bit. She may be having hiccups at the moment, as I can feel that rhythmic pulse of my abdomen. She’s hanging tough in spite of me trying to encourage her to come on out. Countdown to ultrasound delivery date: 4 days. However, I bet the midwives won’t consider anything until my original due date of January 23^rd. 

Friday, the 13th/AKA Not Today. 1-13-12

I was talking to A, at work, yesterday. She noted the fact that tomorrow <today> would be Friday, the 13^th. She was hoping that I had the baby yesterday, for good measure. I would have rather, too. However, I was trying to put a good spin on it by saying that in some cultures ‘13’ is a lucky number. I was trying to convince myself, too. Then, I was telling her that the hotel in Shanghai where I stayed had a 13^th Floor. Fortunately, my room was not on that floor! I think I would have had to go back down to change if it were…

It’s almost 6pm, and I may just make it through the day without going into labor! I have pretty much laid low today. About midnight, the weather started change. It hasn’t gotten above freezing today. When I got up at 3am, the ground was covered in snow, and it really hasn’t stopped snowing since. I had a 9am meeting that was cancelled, thank goodness…  So, I just decided to stay in for the day and not go to work. The roads haven’t been looking very good. I’m not anxious to get out in it. Plus, G is out of town, and K is sick. I guess I’ll have to ask the neighbors to take me to the hospital, if necessary. I don’t really want my mom to try to drive in this weather, either. Hopefully, my helper will be able to brave the elements and come tomorrow. Maybe she’ll be able to pick up a few things at the grocery for me, too. I guess I should get use to this life with Boop and me hunkering down for the winter—when she decides to make her arrival J

Stimulation. 1-12-12

Still no baby. “I didn’t think I’d see you!” is the greeting I keep getting when I arrive at work. I respond that I’m just as surprised as they are. I’ve been a bit slow with correspondence, too <I’ve been a bit slow about everything>, and so people guess that I’ve made the trip to Labor and Delivery to do the deed.

People have been brainstorming. How can we increase the likelihood of me going into labor? B at work had suggested raspberry tea. I had some Twinings berry tea with raspberry. It’s 4am, and I’m sipping it. She had also said something about eggplant? I had heard about walking; so I climb stairs and walk around a fair bit at work. I was reading WebMD, and they had found good results with acupuncture (in their small randomized trial, they found that within a few days, 70% of those with acupuncture went into labor, as opposed to 50% in the non-treatment group). Other studies haven't found the same results. There was supposed to be an acupuncturist to come and speak with our yoga group on Monday, but she was ill. I think she is rescheduling for this coming Monday. I’ll be 39 weeks. It might be a good idea to check-in with her. I need to touch base with the midwife when I go next Monday for a visit.

I was having quite a few fairly strong contractions last night. They were pretty solid for an hour. I called and left a message for K when she got through with class just to give her a heads-up. I laid down, and they were letting up. She called to check-in when she got home, but I was feeling better. Disappointing. I would be okay with waiting a while for Boop, but there are a few things that concern me. First, I don’t want Boop to be in distress from all of those contractions. Second, the longer I go, the bigger she will be. They estimated 7lbs by ultrasound, which means she’s probably about 8lbs by now. Ouch! Third, the longer I wait and the bigger she is, the more likely they will need to do a C-section. That means longer recovery time for me, and more importantly, if Boop is wedged in like I think she is, it might be hard to get her out. So, I’m hoping it will happen soon and without a C-section.

My Birth Plan. 1-10-12

There’s been some discussion on the SMC website about making a birth plan. A few months ago, the midwives had asked me about pain management. I told them I was all for the epidural if we could manage it. I’m a realist. Plenty of women walk in to Labor and Deliver with grand plans for natural childbirth, but when the intense labor starts, they beg for the epidural. Some folks are too late. I plan to skip the brave act and make sure we can time the pain management as best as possible.

Most folks have a more elaborate birth plan. So, perhaps I should be more detailed in mine. I’ve decided to take my cue from Beyonce Knowles. Might as well, since birth plans can fly out the window anyway. I might as well write a really good one. Staff members must turn over their cell phones and cover the lenses of security cameras. Besides the fact that my Boop’s photos could garner big bucks, I don’t want anyone to see my hair in its natural state. In addition, accommodations should be made for my security guards. Well, it’s really just one: my mom. I plan to assign Mom to baby watch, making sure that Boop doesn’t get out of her site. I wouldn’t cross her. Finally, I will require my own floor of the hospital. That’s more for the protection of others than for my own luxury. If the pain gets too intense, I may shout some things that would make folks’ ears burn. And folks’ eyes may hurt from seeing me strolling the halls after giving birth. Of course, birth plans frequently fly out of the window—especially the more elaborate ones. I just want a healthy baby <and sooner, rather than later>, and if we can avoid some of the pain, all the better.

Taking Stock at Week 38. 1-12-12

Here’s what’s happening at Week 38:

• It’s already Thursday, and I don’t see that I have an update for Week 38. Wishful thinking that Boop would be here, I guess. It’s almost 39 weeks; so it seems a bit strange to recap now. I have a visit with the midwife on Monday. I guess I’ll see how things stand, then.
• The pregnancy websites say that the baby should be less than 7lbs and about 19in long. Well, I think we’ve long past that weight. They estimated that she weighed more than that at Week 37. My guess: she’s a good 8lbs by now. I don’t know how long she is. Her femur length at week 37 was at date.
• Boop is still moving around. She feels more like she’s rolling these days. I don’t want her to get out of position for birth. However, I suspect that she can’t get enough leverage to give me a good kick. I do see, and feel <ouch>, her pushing out with those little knees and feet.
• Irritable uterus. I get so tired of having contractions, only for them to pitter out after an hour or two. I’m never really sure of when to go to the hospital. My default has been not to go. At some point, it will be time!

A First Time for Everything, Part II. 1-7-12

So 1^st baby doll was high on my priority list for Boop. B, a friend at work that just had a little boy, apparently had a whole list of things that she wanted as 1^st for her little E. She had planned to get E’s 1^st sunrise, which was nearly squelched by her C-section, but her husband was able to get the shot. I don’t know if I will make the effort, and it really wasn’t on my radar. And my aunt S had talked to my Mom about something for the hospital, baby’s first outfit or pajamas for me. I’m not too worried about pajamas that I will only wear once or twice for me. But I have put a bit of thought into Boop’s attire, which brings me to a phone call last night.

My great aunt, M, is continuing to have trouble. And I thought I would check in with my Grandma’s other sister, great aunt R and uncle J, the people who gave me my first doll. R had a terrible aneurysm a few years back, and we didn’t think she would make it. She’s pulled through and has improved in leaps and bounds, but she still has trouble with time and finding words. But her personality hasn’t changed much; so I have a pretty good idea of what she means.

And so she also wanted to know what the baby was going to wear at the hospital. And I was trying to explain to her that my great aunt, A, on my dad’s side had recently passed away, and I was planning to dress Boop in the outfit that A had given her. Only, she jumped in when I was talking about A passing away and told me not to think about that—not wanting me to be stressed. But then she understood that I was planning for Boop to wear the outfit that A gave me. So, she is planning to talk to my mom about something else to get the baby. Not sure what she will come up with J

A First Time for Everything, Part I. 1-7-12

<I've been having some trouble with the blog site--so, my delay isn't due to any trips to the hospital.>

It’s funny how people want to be the first for little Boop. It’s very sweet, actually. I’m a bit sentimental, but I hadn’t really thought about some of these things. My great aunt, R, and great uncle, J, got me my first doll when I was a baby. Mom said that R beat Dad to the punch, and he was a little upset that he missed the chance.

When I was about 8 or 9 years old, my parents wanted to get me a doll for Christmas, but couldn’t find the one that I wanted. So, they gave me $25, and let me shop for one. I was considering a Gerber baby, but I really wasn’t satisfied. There was a little girl from church who had received a beautiful Menena, a Spanish doll made by the Bereguer family that was life-sized and sucked a pacifier, for Christmas, but it was about $100. I knew that was way out of my league.

By mid-January, I was so frustrated with my search that I looked at my dad and said, “Dad, I just don’t see anything that I want. I’ve decided that I want you and Mom to take the money and do something for your anniversary in Cincinnati.” My parents went every January to a bowling tournament with their friends during their anniversary. It was a sincere offer, and my dad knew it, which got to him even more. It was a couple of days later that I was called down to the principal’s office at my elementary school, and my mom was waiting for me. She said that she got off early and that she and dad were going to take me out to eat. Very strange. Dad was waiting in the car, and I climbed in the back seat. There was my own Menena sitting in her basket, filling half of the back seat.

And so, I had been looking at Bereguer babies online to get Boop for her 1^st doll. Low and behold, I saw some more moderately priced ones in the crazy day after Thanksgiving sales. Unfortunately, they didn’t have any of the Asian babies, which I had planned to get for Z’s daughter, M, and for M’s daughter, E. However, they did have a red-haired doll, which I thought would be cute as M has red hair. And then I saw 2 others. I liked one better; Mom liked the other better. And so we wound up getting Boop 2 first baby dolls!

Mom got the one on the left; I got the one on the right.

Hair Apparent. 1-6-12

More hassles. I spent a few hours yesterday trying to get the bills sorted out. It’s such a pain, as I’ve been working on the credit card issues and insurance billing since last summer, and they never seem to get resolved. I got another notice for the state income tax and need to pull all of the paperwork together for that. Then, I had to manage some issues with savings and an IRA. Fortunately, those were a bit easier. It’s only going to get more complicated with a baby. I guess I’ll try to make an appointment with a lawyer during my maternity leave to get things sorted out for Boop if anything should happen to me. Hopefully, the university referral will help me find someone who can give me good advice as a single mother.

Aside from that, I broke down and got a hair cut a few days ago, which wasn't a good idea. Hair-clip-everyday, now. It’s always so awkward about what to do: is it better to just let it grow out, go back and try to fix it, or find someone else to cut it? I had asked for long layers, and we discussed long enough for a ponytail. Unfortunately, she was a bit more aggressive. So, it’s already too short to do much with. Along with the weight and bloating and my general disdain for being in photos, my hair is not great for baby pics. What’s more, I took Winnie to a new groomer that was more convenient 2 weeks ago. When mom saw it, she was disappointed; I think most would agree that the choppy, multi-length look is not appropriate for a dog. At least we’re a matching pair, I guess. And then little Boop with her bald conehead. Maybe we’ll all invest in wigs. Fortunately, Winnie already has hers:

But, unfortunately, the Lil’ Kim wig is already sold out for Boop L

If I had registered, this would have been high on my list! <kidding>

http://www.babytoupee.com/products_thelilkim.htm

Anytime Now. 1-5-12

I’ve been talking to Boop a lot lately. “Anytime you’re ready, Boop, we’ll go back to the hospital.” “Just let me know when you’re ready, Boop.” “Boop, this would be a good day to go.” I would even try to bargain with her a bit, but I don’t know what would be a good bribe for a 37 week old. She’s dropped so far that I’m nervous to go to the bathroom, afraid she’ll just fall out. Sometimes when I go to the bathroom, I feel the urge to push. I don’t need to be birthin’ no babies there.

People are getting a little anxious. Mom wanted Boop to come at Christmas or New Year’s. K got home yesterday and called me. She said, “You know it would be great if she came before classes started.” They start next week. I wonder. I just spoke to Mom again. Someone was going to be able to come and take Mom’s place at work for a little while. So now, even Mom’s boss is anxious for Boop to come.

In the meantime, I’ve been scrambling to get a few more manuscripts out. I need to get them in process now; so I don’t have to try to pick up again and get things going in March. I’ve also been interviewing students. It’s a pretty intense process, and I’ve been scheduled for the afternoons, which is when I’m used to taking a nap. It makes for a long day. Only one more day of interviews. And tomorrow is Friday. I’m definitely ready for the weekend.  I’m dragging physically and emotionally.

Coneheads. 1-4-12

Poor little conehead baby. Poor. little. conehead. baby. An Elizabethan beauty with a long forehead. What will become of her? Little Boop wedged in my pelvis for all this time. Deformed? A deformation happens when something is already formed, but applied pressure causes a change in shape. And in the case of babies' heads, if pressure changes the shape, pressure can often change it back. Little Boop wearing an awful helmet, I guess.

Of course, I could take my great grandmother's approach with my grandma. My great aunt, R, my grandma's youngest sister, told the story the best, and my grandma hated it. Actually, aunt R did it to tease my grandma, both about the injury and about her middle name. Mind you, my aunt R was in her 50's the first time I heard her tell the story. And my great aunt, M, grandma’s middle sister, also tells the same story with a bit less enthusiasm and embellishment but with more giggles.

The story would go something like this:
R: "Murray Doodle! Murray Doodle!" Grandma: "Grrrr!" <off she runs, trying to get away, but R would inevitably catch her> R: "Do you remember what happened to you? Momma told us what happened to you. She was carrying you on her horse, riding along. But she dropped you. She dropped you on your head! And you were <claps her hands loudly> FLAT AS A FLITTER! Flat as a flitter, that's what Momma said. And Momma molded it back <as she gestured like someone forming a head from modeling clay and stuck her tongue out to the side like someone deep in concentration>."

Poor Grandma. She was born with a cleft palate, and then the unfortunate accident falling from the horse as a baby, and then growing up in that wacky family. That's not to say that she didn't create a few problems of her own accord, I guess. But she did alright in spite of it in the end. And so it will be with Boop. Fortunately, today, we have a few more options than me trying to mold a little Boop head with my hands…

Taking Stock at Week 37. 1-2-12

Here’s what’s happening at Week 37:

• I can’t believe we’ve made it to full-term. Last week was a little rough, not one that I want to repeat. It had some feel of those early days of my pregnancy and trips to the ER, but thankfully, Boop is big enough now that she should be able to make it. Every day, her likelihood of complications decreases, but at this point, the decrease is slight.
• According to the websites, Boop should be about 19 in. and weigh about 6.5 lbs. Six and a half pounds—that’s pretty funny! Hopefully, they’ll be able to give me a better estimate during the ultrasound today. One of the pregnancy sites encourages use of stairs to help prepare for labor. It makes sense, but I’m a little concerned that, should I trip and fall, the results could be very, very bad. So, I’m trying to make the trip on an as-needed basis only.
• My psoriasis is flaring up. I’m really noticing it in my ears. I can stick it out. As to my joints, it’s unclear if that’s just late pregnancy or psoriasis. Maybe I’ll feel better if I get a haircut. I’ve only had one during my pregnancy that I can remember. It will be hard to do much after bringing Boop home.
• I’m still awaiting the PDF for the dressing/diaper changing table. There’s no way I could put it together otherwise. Well, I guess I could, but I would need to put it together and take it apart multiple times to get everything to fit. No luck on finding the instructions online. I emailed the company; hopefully, they’ll respond tomorrow. I still need to figure out how to install the car seat. The fireman made a good attempt, but he couldn’t get it secure.

Dreams of Fateful Encounters. 1-4-12

I had a dream about Boop last night. Strangely enough, I think this was spurred by the words of encouragement from friends and family who were anxious to see my beautiful baby, and also by the virtually indecipherable ultrasound photos of Boop. Well, let’s be honest: the baby in this dream was not beautiful. Of course, I loved her, but I was very exhausted. The child was very large (but not in the chubby-cheeked cherub, sort of way) and sitting on my knee with little assistance upstairs in my house. She had on an adorable pink dress with smocking that I recognized from when I was a baby.

Mom was scurrying around trying to clean the house, and it seemed like she was trying to avoid looking at the baby. Finally, I said, “Mom, I’m really tired. Would you mind holding her for a little while?” With that, she took a deep breath and came over to take her. Then, I woke up, only to see the episode of the Nanny where she accidently wound up with the foreign lady’s baby on the subway.

At that point, I made another trip to the bathroom and figured I would go on downstairs and have a cup of hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows. I love the smell when you open a bag of fresh marshmallows—that slight confectioner’s sugar smell. When I was little, I would sneak a bag of marshmallows and a package of saltines under my mom’s sewing machine and eat them like little sandwiches while my mom sewed. I wonder if Boop will wind up with such odd habits. If she does, then I’ll know she’s mine J

Snow Day. 1-3-12

The snow started yesterday, and it took me a bit by surprise. The roads in my neighborhood weren’t salted, and I had to get it off my car this morning. I checked the weather before I left the house, and there was no indication in our local weather forecasts that they were expecting more snow here. It turned out that we did get more snow. More problematic, the wind kept blowing snow over the roads and sidewalks. There was a pretty good drift on the stairs as I was walking to my car from work. Not pleasant for me in my open-backed clogs; wishing I had worn something with a bit more protection.

I was glad to see my friend, G. She called yesterday to tell me that she was heading back to town but was caught in traffic. Unfortunately, when she hit the mountains, the weather took a definite turn for the worse, and the black ice almost left her in an accident. She was surprised to see me at work this morning, but then again, everyone was surprised to see me at work ;) I still haven’t heard from my friend, K, who was planning to come back from the northeast today, but I’ve heard the roads were bad from that direction, too. She had volunteered to help me during delivery. The weather is going to be unpredictable for the next few months, and I’m concerned about Mom trying to make her way here through the mountains. Babies have a knack for picking the most inconvenient time to come, but we’ll be happy to see Boop when she arrives.

Let’s Say 7 lbs. 1-3-12

I woke up to a pretty good covering of snow. The roads need to be salted. I’m going to attempt to go to work today, assuming they get the roads cleared. I’ve been up since 3am. Hopefully, I’ll be able to get another hour or two of sleep this morning. Boop was restless this morning, and I had a few contractions last night. Yesterday evening, I had a few pretty strong contractions, and I was starting to see a pattern, only to level off before we hit an hour.  

Can you figure out these photos?

I had a biometric ultrasound to check on Boop after the rough week we had last week. It was a quick one. Boop had her hands in front of her face again and was moving; so we had a hard time getting a profile of her face. Plus, everything was jumbled up at this point in the pregnancy. The ultrasound tech said that Boop looked like a thumb sucker. I thought she might have been trying to get both hands to her mouth. In any event, if she is a thumb sucker to soothe herself, swaddling may not work out so well. Her brain looked good—2 hemispheres, ventricles, with lots of nice grooves already. The big news was her size. I didn’t ask about length. I was mainly interested in how much she weighed. The tech said six fifteen. In my mind, I thought she meant 6.15 lbs, which would be about right for a baby her age. However, when I double checked with the midwife, it was 6lbs 15oz. Let’s just say 7lbs. So my mom and I were about right when we were joking about a 7lb. premie! The midwife said that the accuracy could be  +/- a pound, but based on my abdomen measurements, the midwife didn’t think Boop was 8lbs… yet.

I figured I would attempt Monday night yoga, which is less strenuous than Wednesday night yoga (plus downward dog is a bad pose for this stage of my pregnancy), but it was cancelled. So, I need to figure out another way to get some exercise, I guess. I get plenty of exercise getting the fork to my mouth…

The Game Plan. 1-1-12

The morning started with a trip to the stores to try to catch new reductions on Christmas stuff. Along with some general odds-and-ends I needed for the house, I had a few things to get for the baby. I needed a couple of bins for diapers: one to leave outside for the diaper service to pick up and drop off, the other one for dirty diapers in the house. They had plastic trash cans that Winnie could tip over. I’ll probably wind up with a stainless steel one. I also needed a baby memories book. I bought one, but I’m not happy with it, as it asks a lot of information about the father. I think I’ll get a scrapbook instead.

Otherwise, I’ve been doing a bit of research on how to introduce a baby to a dog and how to interpret baby sounds.  As to Winnie, it sounds like I should just give up! Basically, I should have been doing a million things with Winnie all through the pregnancy. To further complicate matters, most of the websites were inconsistent. And then the introduction will be challenging as Mom is too much of a softy and the weather will probably not cooperate. A couple of things seem consistent and maybe doable though: (1) maintain as much of a routine as possible, (2) never allow baby and dog alone together, (3) get dog used to baby sounds and smells, and (4) have safe zones for dog and baby. I played some YouTube videos of babies crying, which didn’t seem to phase Winnie. Although Winnie doesn’t understand images on TV or the computer, she does respond to sounds that come from them (especially door knocks and dog barks). Introducing smells and limiting contact, as some websites advise, will be more tricky.

Finally, I was trying to look up something I saw on the Oprah show a few years ago. There was an Australian woman who was able to understand a rudimentary baby language that could potentially prevent babies’ cries. It’s called the Dunstan method. There were sounds for hungry, sleepy—5 altogether. I tracked down the DVD/book and will hopefully get it before the baby arrives. The reviews were mixed: the information was helpful, but it was a bit thin on content.

The Waiting Game. 12-31-11

I’m sitting here. No stop-you-in-your-tracks labor pains. I figured I would be in miserable pain by now. Not sure if that is a good or bad thing. It’s got to happen sooner or later. I go in for a biometric ultrasound on Monday. Folks will start coming back to town on Tuesday. I can relax a bit more then. With all of the stop and go, it didn’t really register that this was New Years Eve. I’ve been logging Boop movements since yesterday evening. I’ve noticed her move a bit more, but there are hours that go by that she doesn’t really move. So, 10 movements every2 hours seems a bit impossible.

No champagne or wine to ring in the new year. I’ll probably be conked out. I am wanting for a bit of egg nog, but the grocery store didn’t have any lactose free egg nog when I was there on Friday. I’ve just had to make up for it with a bit of extra fruit cake.

It looks like I’ll have to wait until at least Tuesday to finish the changing table for the nursery. I don’t have the instructions, and there are too many pieces to try to figure out how to put it together otherwise. At least if I get rested tonight, I can get a few things accomplished tomorrow. I’ve got my energy saved up to do a bit of shopping for next Christmas.

A New Year. 12-30-11

1-1-12. Happy New Year! I hope this one brings you much happiness :) At some point, I hope the New Year will be bring me a healthy little Boop, but it's not looking like today.

12-30-11. As I was taking out the trash this morning, a black cat crossed my path. I’m relieved that Boop didn’t arrive today. And it’s looking like Boop won’t arrive until the New Year. No tax break, I guess ;) I saw a different midwife this morning. Each midwife I see has a different perspective on things, which is a bit hard to keep track of. The midwife I saw today has consistently avoided doing exams on me, which was welcomed after the week I had. I didn’t want to start bleeding again. I know I must be over 4cm. She said little Boop was fine to sit where she was, and that she could stay there for a couple more weeks. My blood pressure was lower, and I was a bit nauseous. I thought I might have picked up some sort of GI virus, but I felt a lot better after having some lunch. Maybe my blood pressure was just low.

I’m scheduled for another ultrasound on Monday and a midwife visit afterwards. One of the previous midwives said I should feel 10 movements every couple of hours. Boop has never been a very consistent mover, but she has huge bursts of energy where she wiggles, jabs, and stretches. I think she’s sleeping a fair bit, as she will move when I talk to her and rub my tummy. However, it did cause me some alarm to hear that she should be moving so frequently. The midwife today said 10 movements a day. That’s never a problem for Boop. But with the difference of opinion on movement, it will be good to see my little Boop once again, if we make it until Monday. I’m also wondering how big she is. My weight has leveled out a bit, thankfully.

I’m just going to try to chill this weekend. Maybe I’ll put her changing table together. I need to do a lot of cleaning. And I still haven’t finished sorting the remaining clothes from the last baby shower. I’ve tried to put her clothes in bins and separate them according to size. But there are so many other things to try to organize. Meanwhile, I told Mom not to worry about coming in the weekend, unless there was good reason. So, hopefully, she’ll get a bit of time to recover from her last trip here.